Life is torture, death is hope.
Life is meaningless, death is magical.
I am a young girl, 15 years old. This is not just a phrase. My depression has somehow always been there, and I know it will always be there. My depression is hiding inside my breath, it will never go away unless I stop breathing. I hate life!!!! Not MY life. I hate LIFE. Yes, I hate most people and I hate social situations, but honestly, I don’t care. People suck, I’m over it. What bothers me is the meaninglessness. Why are we extremely insignificant?Why does nobody think about that? We are trapped inside the box named planet Earth. To most people, things that happen within planet Earth are important. But I have bigger eyes. I look at the universe and I don’t see planet Earth. I don’t care.
Someone wins the lottery, someone gets killed. To me it’s the same.
I DONT CARE.
I think alot…
Too much…
that’s why I’m such a depressive person.
I’m also ‘suffering’ from SPD (schizoid personality disorder). Everyone would be a schizoid if they had a mind like me. I see the whole picture, I am not blinded by love or money or power. I see life for what it is: a white lie. A joke. A game. But is life really something? What are we really? Is life an illusion?
My family must be proud
Yes…
I deserve to win an Oscar. I’m the best actress. I went to church (and secretly prayed I’d die), nodded when they said: “Go play with X!” (I’d rather kill X), did my best at school (school’s not important, just like any other shit in life) and I pretended to be in love with Y (Y doesn’t exist)
Mom and dad, marriage to me is like life in HD, love to me is like a stupid distraction, sex is ten times worse and kids …
Yeah… don’t ask a supersupersuper extreme misantrophe to have kids. She’d rather give birth to a black hole so it could swallow our dear planet.
I’ve consciously endured for about six years. Man, man, man. I am hopeless. Death may give me answers to the meaninglessness. Or death may turn out to be another life. Or a black ending.
I feel like there’s a connection
Death and the universe.
I think about them 24/7.
MASOCHIST
But I’m done guys.
Fuck Im done!
Why can’t I cut this lie? I just wanna rest. I am curious okay. Curious as to what the meaning of life is, but it has dawned on me that living in this stupid world where people care about stuff like naked celebrities is not going to get me anywhere. Me..
What am I? I believe in the mind, a unique mind. But my body…doesn’t belong to me …It’s dead, when my mind keeps on living. The body is an illusion. To me, the mind is eternal. At least, I hope it is.
I am too curious.
Only death can numb the pain.
Curiousity killed the cat.
9 comments
First, welcome to the site. Like many of us, you might have arrived here during a dark moment. There is a lot of support here.
You are quite articulate. Not only do you make a point, you convey it so that it can be visualized. I have no doubt as to how you’re feeling. That’s reasonably clear.
My uncertainty is with what’s specifically happening to shape your views on the universe into what they are today. Some of your text might be described as ‘profound’ when it’s recognized thst someone who is fifteen years old is the author.
You are indeed philosophical. What’s going on behind the scenes?
I didn’t acknowledge this post’s title. Please don’t do anything to harm yourself. There are typically other solutions. At fifteen, you have so much time and so many experiences ahead of you.
I have tried to kill myself two times, no one I personally know knows about it so yeah…
Now, I still want to die, but the thought of suicide again……I dont know…
Thanks for understanding me a bit ! Yes I’m very philosophical . Why? No clue!! Guess I was just born this way. I’m not like many people and some ask me why I’m so different, but then at the same time, why are they all the same?
Thanks for your response,
melanch0ly
Although it might not seem that way now, it is fortunate that your attempts weren’t successful. I am glad that, instead, you’re able to be here to share how you’re feeling.
Why are they all the same? Good question. Mainstream society has developed an expected set of values and behaviors. Those who go against the grain can often find it difficult. Regardless, don’t let it stop you from being who you are. A society full of clones isn’t quite in the spirit of free thought and individuality.
If you want to talk about what’s going on, you’ll find many people here are more than willing to listen and share their insights if you’d like.
I second distant.road’s initial post. A lot of times, people like us need a listening ear just so we know we aren’t alone. I’m letting you know that I read this post, and that you are not alone here.
My mom calls me a schizophrenic. :))
Yes the mind is eternal. The spirit too.
Dear meloncity,
is ther a someway we can chat?
yours and mine thought match so much
: )
hey!
good to hear!
if you want to talk you can send me a message
at steffol@hotmail.nl
bye?
steffol@hotmail.nl OR
steffol@hotmail.com
which one is it?
im confused..