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coming clean

by Alan Ominous

It appears as though I may have mislead some of you. I apologize. It was never my intent to represent myself in a manner in which would deceive any of you. So here it is, the honest truth….

I am not Steve Buscemi. He’s a great guy from stories I’ve heard. My avatar is just a great picture of him. Actually I choose that picture because the character ” crazy eyes ” is notorious for not visually seeing well. I think that represents me fairly. I tend to overlook obvious faults, not out of compassion, but because I simply don’t notice them.

Well, I’m not as brave as Cordless. I can’t bring myself to post a selfie. So, here’s my hand drawn selfie. Behold, AO.



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Morris 5/26/2016 - 2:05 pm

Oh. You’re Rob Zombie?

Alan Ominous 5/26/2016 - 2:06 pm

Fuck, I wish. Definitely take that as a compliment.

Alan Ominous 5/26/2016 - 2:07 pm

That means I’m banging Sherri Moon. Jackpot!

Morris 5/26/2016 - 2:16 pm

Haha, right on.
Kinda rockin’ the hellbilly thing.

Dawg 5/26/2016 - 2:15 pm

You’re the Duck Dynasty guy?!? LOL

silly dawg

Alan Ominous 5/26/2016 - 2:30 pm

I suppose so. Although, i find “Hellbilly” much more flattering.

Dawg 5/26/2016 - 2:40 pm

For clarity of intent:

My comment was tongue in cheek humor – not meant to suggest you were actually the Duck Dynasty guy or even anything similar.

You “are” who you choose to be … and you certainly draw far better than I’ll ever be capable of. You’re also free to define yourself in any way you choose – if “Hellbilly” works for you – the rock the hell outta that sh!t! 🙂 Be the most original, unique “you” you can be.

I never thought of one split second that you were Steve Buscemi – but I sure as hell would wanna go deep with Sheri Moon 😀 Bazinga!

All the best

good humor dawg

Alan Ominous 5/26/2016 - 3:16 pm

“No, I’m not Steve Buscemi. Sorry” – Steve Buscemi

brokenandbent30 5/26/2016 - 3:12 pm

Did someone say Sheri Moon Zombie? 🙂 She’s been my girl crush forever. Wouldn’t mind a threesome with her and Rob. That’s all. Carry on…

Alan Ominous 5/26/2016 - 3:18 pm

Oh god yes. If I could bag Sherri, might as well die. Cuz really, nothing in life is going to top that.

Hazy Day Sunflower 5/26/2016 - 5:29 pm

This post and thread are totally fucking awedome.

Plus that drawing? Can I just say OMFG hilarious!

3 way FTW.

Cordless 5/26/2016 - 5:39 pm

If it’s OK with you, I would like to imagine you as the illegitimate love child of Steve Buscemi and Hagrid from Harry Potter.

Possibly with a side affair involving ZZ Top.

Alan Ominous 5/26/2016 - 5:54 pm

Hazy- glad to bring a smile.

Cordless- be my guest.

Hazy & Cordless…. ironic you both mentioned a 3 way….

Cordless 5/26/2016 - 6:04 pm


Alan Ominous 5/26/2016 - 6:08 pm

I picture Hazy looking like Peggy from King of the Hill.

Cordless 5/26/2016 - 6:09 pm

OMG! That’s what I picture too!

Cordless 5/26/2016 - 9:23 pm

BTW, it’s funny you should mention a 3-way too, because the next sketch I’ll be posting kinda reminds me of that, in an abstract sort of way.

Cordless 5/26/2016 - 6:08 pm

What does the R on the hat stand for?

Alan Ominous 5/26/2016 - 6:18 pm

Real tree, or Remington I assume, maybe Ruger? I got it 90% off at a sporting goods store.

Cordless 5/26/2016 - 6:22 pm

So nothing that represents a fandom you have.
I knew it wouldn’t be a sports team, since you aren’t a sports fan.

Alan Ominous 5/26/2016 - 6:25 pm

Oh it definitely represents my fandom. I’m a huge fan of 90% off.

Cordless 5/26/2016 - 6:26 pm


rocketman 5/26/2016 - 7:26 pm

Alan Ominous, We are what we are, we are human, we all made mistakes, and we all are trying to survive life, no body on this planet is better than another, we all chose are paths, and we do the best we know how, everyone is equal when they die that’s for sure!!!!

i like that!!!! Everyone is equal when they die that’s for sure!!!! 🙂

Alan Ominous 5/26/2016 - 8:13 pm

Damn straight! Nothing I enjoy more than equalizing people.

rocketman 5/26/2016 - 8:50 pm

Alan Ominous, Hi Alan! Funny how people don’t like being Equalized! it smashes their ego’s!

example: i’m a christian and your not! so i am better than you! being a atheist myself i could easily say that’s because your a dummy!!! 🙂 But i don’t, i say believe in whatever you want! that’s your business, good luck!

Or how about i’m rich! and your not! your stupid! Oh really how did you get that money? how many peoples lives did your destroy along the way? your a idiot! in my book! a selfish piece of shit! if you got that money by helping other’s i’d be impressed! but capitalizing off the misery of other’s you can suck my dick!

in other words, what’s really important is not what you have or not what you believe, what’s important is i’ve lived my life being a thoughtful person, i didn’t do anything to other’s around me they didn’t want to do, i can pull the sheets over my toes at night and not feel dirty, i did my best to help other’s and being the best human i could.

Their is no right or wrong as the people were enjoying themselves being with you.

rocketman 5/26/2016 - 8:55 pm

Sorry if i’m getting a little bit to real, i’m fed up! with assholes! 🙂

Alan Ominous 5/26/2016 - 9:15 pm

Nah, you’re good. Vent when you need to.

rocketman 5/26/2016 - 9:48 pm

Alan yeah, i’m tired , i try to be funny, i try to make people laugh, i also am so sorry that people are feeling bad because of these ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!! You see you are my friend , yes i told stories about you kid napping the the ladies 🙂 it’s was all in fun!

i love everyone on SP, YES I’VE BEEN DRINKING! 🙂

would you like to hear a story where Rocketman gets thrown to the wolves? i can do that too! 🙂

Bottom line laugh! and be happy, we are all in this thing together! LAUGHTER IS OUR SALVATION. 🙂

nepheliad 5/26/2016 - 9:12 pm

I really like your life philosophy, rocketman. It’s good to know that people like you are out there. (Wanting to be a giving person instead of just being selfish.)

rocketman 5/26/2016 - 9:57 pm

nepheliad, Thank you! i really do try, i’m glad if someone else is happy! how on earth could making people miserable make me happy? That’s just wrong period.

Morris 5/26/2016 - 9:22 pm

After looking at your picture more closely, it made me wonder if anyone has ever accidentally lit their beard on fire with a cigarette. It’s probably happened at least once, to someone somewhere.

Cordless 5/26/2016 - 9:27 pm

Go to YouTube and search for “beard on fire”.
LOTS of results.

Surprisingly, most of them seem to be on purpose.

I’m with you, though, it HAD to have happened accidentally at least once to someone somewhere.

Morris 5/26/2016 - 9:35 pm

Ah yes, YouTube. A place that provides countless examples of “natural selection”.

Alan Ominous 5/26/2016 - 9:43 pm

I’ve melted a few strands before. Usually trying to relight a butt.

Morris 5/26/2016 - 9:55 pm

Yeah, hair doesn’t seem overly flammable.
You’d wanna douse your beard in Bacardi 151 to really get a bon-fire started. (That’s not a suggestion or method discussion, just an observation).

Cordless 5/26/2016 - 10:44 pm

Shhhh! Don’t give him ideas!

Morris 5/26/2016 - 10:56 pm

Hmm. I’m not sure if anyone’s ever died because their beard caught on fire. Definitely makes for an interesting obituary.
I should research that.

Cordless 5/26/2016 - 11:22 pm


I don’t know about dying BECAUSE your beard caught on fire, but if someone tried hard enough they could die WHILE the beard was on fire.

Step 1: Light beard on fire.
Step 2: Skydive naked with no parachute.

There’s no reason the person HAS to be naked; it just makes the obituary more likely to be on page one.

Morris 5/26/2016 - 11:32 pm

Yeah, interesting deaths do tend to be more newsworthy.

Fro-not-so-zen 5/26/2016 - 10:31 pm

It happens. “What, shit?” Sometimes..

Alan is Forrest Gump the runner

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