I have this habit whenever I’m down of the cycle, I tend to purposely piss off people around me. I want them to hate me because apparently my hate for myself is not enough to pull the trigger. I want them to hate me so they would feel less bad about my death.
But then again, someone special told me that making them hate me doesn’t change the fact that they care for me.
But then again, my stupid excuse is habit. Or maybe I’m just accumulating this giant ball of hate to swallow.
I want to break up with my lover for this stupid reason. But I can’t seem to afford losing her. Having her is like the greatest thing I could ever ask for. And yet I think of such things.
1 comment
Don’t listen to that voice if you don’t want it to win. Try to ignore the voice unless you are 110% certain breaking up with her will cause you to “pull the trigger.”
Making an ex hate you but didn’t cause you to finally end it is one of the worst feelings imaginable. If you already feel like dying, it will make it 100x worse.