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In control

by Marissa

Today was really hard. Couldn’t study for my final because all I kept thinking of were ways to get away with dying.

I failed my final. Possibly didn’t pass that class. Money spent for nothing. Parents are going to give me shit of course. I won’t ever finish college.

I lost a family member today. Talked someone out of not killing herself over a guy. Isn’t that weird how we can tell people it’s going to be okay and how suicide isn’t the answer?

When I’m cutting, I feel so in control of how deep I can go. I want to just hit a vein and be like oops and finally die. But I can’t do it yet.

Help me. I’m getting so tired of waking up.

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3 comments

rocketman 5/11/2016 - 6:52 am

Marissa,

Hi, “failed my final” your not suppose to do that, why did you? never mind your parents all that work and time for nothing? this is not a time to think of suicide it’s a time to regroup, change your study habits and pass the next one, stopping cutting probably would be a good idea too don’t you think? the reason why life stinks is because your thinking negatively, it is hard waking up everyday when you are thinking like that, that ruins the momentum don’t you think? you know i’m right, when things go good you feel better, so turn things around, forget what just happened and concentrate on what your doing, of course i feel bad for you, but i’m not going to agree with what your up too, that doesn’t help anything, you can do it!

Marissa 5/11/2016 - 7:23 am

Failing school isn’t what makes me want to die. It’s just something that happened that will cause problems in my family. I’ve honestly been trying hard to stop but it keeps happening off and on since I started when I was about 11.
Thank you for being so honest. I know thinking like this isn’t good but I really can’t help it. There’s many reasons why I don’t want to wake up.

rocketman 5/11/2016 - 7:36 am

Marissa, your welcome, I think just like you, and worse probably, i’m telling you from experience, if your going to kill yourself then fine, but i don’t think you are correct? nice to think about but we really don’t want to, so stop thinking about it so much, and since your going to stick around do your best for your self, that’s what i’m doing and things have gotten much better 🙂 i practice what i preach.

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