Just ask! Come on, read these two lines out:
“Are you thinking about killing your self?”
“Are you thinking about taking your own life?”
See? That’s just how you do it. Now go. Ask him. Ask her.
People contemplating suicide want somebody to genuinely care. They want to be asked. They NEED to be asked that question. “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” What if your question could save a life?
JUST ASK!
I’m HERE4UOK
Email: suesyd . nomore at g mail . co m
Facebook: Suesyd Nomore
Kik: H4UOK
https://youtu.be/fTeTt7o0Re8
19 comments
I get the impression (possibly mistaken) that young people want assistance more often than those of us who are older. I don’t want somebody to ask or to “help” me, and if I were hospitalized involuntarily I would be ENRAGED (I strongly oppose involuntary admission, and it is frequently misused or used to get insurance companies to pay). The advice about not belittling a teenager’s problems was really good.
@mysteriousvisitor
You have a point. There is no surefire, single fix-it-all, good-for-everyone pill or potion, and the approach with adults differs from those used with children, teens, and young adults. Normally, and unfortunately, when young people set their mind to it, they tend to be more volatile, sudden, and unpredictably triggered… and go through with it.
With adults, say 30s and above, you have a little more room, more time to talk about things. There is more background to visit and work with. There is still hope though. With young people too, but it’s trickier, putting it lightly.
Now, with older adults, say 55+, it’s usually harder. They’ve lived. They’ve been there. They know, not think, what their options are. Is there hope? ALWAYS. But again, the approach is different.
Thanks for your views, mysteriousvisitor 🙂
Yes, you have a good point. My plans have been very carefully considered and researched, so that when I’m ready there will be no mistakes. I don’t get triggered and am very calm about the decision. I also have the option to delay indefinitely, as I do not feel hurried, although I definitely sometimes question why I am delaying.
I still feel like life for everyone was a mistake some of us are jus not meant to be here
@mysteriousvisitor
Good for you. Knowing you have options by itself can be a relief. I always say that life, yes it is a journey, but it’s not a race. We know where ALL of us are headed. Why rush it? Just enjoy the ride, with its bumps, slaps, swings, and all.
I always remember the time I was about to board a flight, and we were standing in line. In those days I used to travel a LOT for work, so I had some travelers’ perks you know, so I was upgraded to First Class. The lady in front of me had no clue about boarding, how certain groups go first, than others, etc. She was in Coach Row 23 almost all the way to the back.
When the airline lady told her she had to go back and wait as she took her boarding pass, I told her “no please go ahead of me, we’re on the same plane, it’s not like one of us is getting there faster than the other.” I don’t know why, but it had been one of those moments when everything goes quiet and you’re the only one talking, you know? So a bunch of people suddenly agreed and a handful even clapped (clapped!)…
Life is that aircraft. Some crash. Some never take off. Some actually land elsewhere unexpectedly. But in the end, we all are headed for the same terminal. Delays or no delays.
Enjoy your flight.
@Iwantpeace2
I understand how you feel. I can relate. More so years ago than I can today, but I have been in your same mind spot.
I don’t know how old you are, but things tend to take their merry time to start happening for some of us sometimes.
Meant or not, we’re here. That sole fact has a purpose. I’ve said it before, that life is about choices, and the ones we make are more often than not within our control.
Fine, the world isn’t perfect. Society is mean. Families break apart. But who makes the world? Who builds societies? Who’s a family member? That’s right. US. We all are the ones who have the power to make our surroundings, our life, what it is.
things don’t go from bad to worse overnight. They’ve usually been headed there for a while.
It’s only natural they will take a while to improve too.
Some other times, life does play us a cheap trick and changes overnight. My son’s classmate’s parents had a fatal accident around 3 years ago. But now in his teens, he’s actually flourishing. He’s beginning to understand his options, and the choices he can make. He’s gone from flunking 8th grade the year after his parents’ passing, to Honor Roll this year. HE CHOSE to go on and heal through promising he’d honor his family this way.
Just try finding that purpose in your life. Make THAT your first purpose. Finding it. And go from there. And if life gets in the way and you died tomorrow, you will have gotten what you were prematurely after anyway, but you will have had a purpose, a task, a goal…
Bad moments in life are transitional, just like the good ones. Just take moments for what they are. Suck their marrow and then dispose of them. Turn the unpleasant ones into LESSONS, those that will give you the experience you need to go after your purpose. BUT! Make no mistake: there is not ONE single purpose. Life is FULL of them, you just haven’t realized it. They just come in different sizes, shades, and textures 😉
One step at a time, dear friend. The size of the step is irrelevant; what matters is that you begin taking those steps. Sooner or later, you’ll be leaping through life.
Contact me. Make that your next purpose. How’s that? 🙂
suesyd.nomore at g mail . co m
You are one of the beautiful lucky people to survive this when you give a little of your back story that you use to be like some of us here but I read plenty of more stories I waited before I made this account ive been trying hard everyday and everynight to jus live with this pain its jus doesnt get better for some of us some of us are complete errors not becuz we get depressed or sad but becuz for many of us here we NEVER heal we just suffer for years in our own minds in every waking moment its a struggle for peace some of us are. Jus not meant to be
@Iwantpeace2
I truly am sorry that you feel this way. And you’re not in the wrong. It’s just the entrapment and tunnel vision that these situations cause in us what’s speaking for you.
I don’t know if you are a Marvel’s fan, but let quote the big green guy himself in the Avengers, which was me for a few years and, if it worked for me, it could work for you:
“I’m always angry…”
Use your woes, problems, and anguish to your advantage. Turn those feelings into courage, your fuel. Once the engine gets going, keep it going long enough, and it hardly ever goes back, until it’s time for it to stall permanently, at the end of our lives.
I feel we should keep on talking. I would love that. Reach me out:
Email: suesyd . nomore at gmail . co m
Kik: H4UOK
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Qq6dQwLh1s
I decided to add something:
Is there always hope? No. There are two kinds of hope: the feeling and the possibility of a solution. Some people will never feel hope again, even if they can’t justify it to others (they shouldn’t have to anyway). There are others who are in situations that they know will never improve, such as those with progressive, debilitating, painful physical conditions.
Some people experience wonderful improvements in their lives. Some accept their situation, and may even gain strength from it. Others decide to leave. It varies and there is no one answer for all. There is also no crystal ball that we can consult to see a person’s future.
@mysteriousvisitor
I beg to differ with you somewhat.
Hope is an optimistic attitude of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in one’s life or the world. As a verb, its definitions include: “expect with confidence” and “to cherish a desire with anticipation” Some in the Medical/Psychology field argue that hope comes into its own when crisis looms, opening us to new creative possibilities. It’s been shown that with great need comes an unusually wide range of ideas, as well as such positive emotions as happiness and joy, courage, and empowerment, drawn from four different areas of one’s self: from a Cognitive, Psychological, Social, or Physical perspective.
Hopeful people are “like the little engine that could”, because they keep telling themselves “I think I can, I think I can”. Although, that positive thinking bears fruit when based on a realistic sense of optimism, consciously or not, not on a naive “false hope”. When the latter is the case, Hope as such tends to morph into other types of positive expectations such as Faith. There is a sense of a calmer coming to terms when in the end, the outcome isn’t what one had ‘hoped’ for, but the feeling of accomplishment in such cases is fulfilling enough to many.
I AM A HOPEFUL PERSON.
(How do you explain a person diagnosed with stage 3 terminal cancer in three different states, CA, TX, and AZ, to suddenly waking up without ANY sign of cancer only ‘weeks’ from their expected end time? I can’t. I’d have to ask my maternal grandmother, but she’s left us already for different causes…).
Yes, hope is a feeling. What I meant is the lack of hope is sometimes based on a realistic evaluation of the circumstances and other time the person can’t necessarily explain the lack of hope, but that doesn’t make it any less valid. You are assuming that your outcome applies to everyone else. My brother suffered with a horrible debilitating condition that was never going to get any better, and he was not just lacking hope when he faced that reality (he didn’t commit suicide but he did pass away). If you don’t mind some advice on how to be helpful, “it gets better” is one of the absolute worst things that you can ever say to someone who is suicidal. It ranks right up there with “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem”, “suicide is selfish”, etc.
Point taken, mv.
I am a firm believer that attitude takes you a long way, but you’re right. Life is such that it takes more than hopes and dreams to beat it too often.
No, I wasn’t assuming that our outcome applies to everyone. We were so [pleasantly] surprised beyond belief when the 4th prognosis came back with the good news..! We even had the funeral, will reading, and all ready!!! By then, quite frankly, we had no more cognitive hope, but more of its next form: Faith, which is a little naive. We had come to terms and were living with it ‘fine’. Then THAT happened. And that changes people’s views on life.
I am sincerely SO sorry for your brother. My wife’s mother passed away to ALS. It’s hard.
Incidentally, I am also a firm believer that “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” 😉 😀
Cheers!
I’m not a hopeful person but I have already realized that you must do something out of the scheme in order to change your situation. If you follow the same path, you will get the same result over and over. I don’t have a prescription for happiness but my advice is: do something out of your world.
@LittleBead
Oh yes, you nailed it completely! And when one change doesn’t do it, do it again until it takes, right? 😉
Not a hopeful person? FINE!
Just do whatever it takes to pull through, day in, day out.
Take care.
I’ve been here for a long time and now I know that there’s a lot of options, even if you think that you have exhausted them. A depressed person must not follow the scheme… because we all live in a scheme.
Well said.
If someone asked me that question, I’d probably answer, “Of course not. What are you, crazy?” Mainly because that channel flows well beneath the ice caps. For teenagers, though, it absolutely can help. Their experience of life hasn’t yet solidified into a great stupid iceberg. These days, I’m more concerned with helping stray and feral cats. They’re easier to relate to, and talk to, than other people.
You said it, rivets.
Part of the reason for my first reply above to mysteriousvisitor. We adults are tough to get through our stubborn selves… But we still have options. Hey, sounds like Global Warming could actually be a good thing for you, eh? 😉
Nah, I like my ice and snow. Never been keen on wildfires and droughts. Personality takes something like 25 years to solidify into a more rigid (but still gradually malleable) form.
Speaking of, some mad scientists published a journal article about how magic mushrooms can possibly totally reverse depression. Small sample size and early, early trials, but that’d make one more potential silver bullet in liquefying those rigid structures. The future is going to be a weird place.