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Why Do I Keep Doing This To Myself?

by thehusk

I feel so alone. And sad. And scared. And I have no hope of any of that changing. I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself. Maybe on some level I enjoy being miserable. Maybe I’m addicted to hopelessness. Maybe it’s my survival instinct, refusing to accept that it would be better to end it. Perhaps I’m more afraid of death than I am of the pain of life.

So I won’t do what seems like the logical choice. I won’t end it. But I don’t know how to live with this feeling. I don’t know how to find meaning in a world where you’re spiritually, emotionally alone, for the rest of your life. The world is still beautiful, the sky is still blue, but it all seems kind of hollow without other people.

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flowersinmyhair_ 5/26/2016 - 3:53 pm

Sooner or later you will meet some new, nice people, that like you for who you are. Maybe some people who seemed to have left you, are wanting to come in touch with you again.
Being alone it not a bad thing… It happens to all of us. But to some, it lasts just a little longer. Believe in yourself, i love you <3

thehusk 5/26/2016 - 5:18 pm

That’s nice of you to say, thank you. I wasn’t really specific enough about my situation to make it clear. I’m not the kind of person who can be liked for who they are. I’m a terrible person (that’s not exaggeration.)

For me, it’s not so much being alone. It’s feeling incredibly alone, even when I’m with people. I can never let anyone see who I really am….it’s too awful.

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