This is my first time reaching out here. Originally I signed up to reach out at a very low point but instead found myself trying to help others. The struggle for me is so real. I put “the smile” on to often. I find myself thinking about dying more frequently.. Driving home tonight I just cried so much that it was to the point where I couldn’t see. The thought came to me….”would it really matter if I wrecked and ended it?” I struggled to find a reason why not to. By the time my mind cleared I was in my drive way. Just have so much on me. Feels like blocks tied to my ankles drowning in the dark. I give so much until I have nothing left. I’ve known so much pain…so much horrible pain. I’m just so tired of feeling this way. I struggled with typing this out because I’m not use to asking for help. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I just want this stop.
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Hey, Luna. I’m really proud of you for having the courage to reach out for help on here. That isn’t an easy thing to do, especially for people who aren’t used to doing that kind of thing.
I imagine that one way to tell if it would matter is if it affected someone else. Do you have any family or friends? They don’t have to be very close.
Thank you wiskered-fish. I really appreciate your kindness. I have family and a couple of friends. It’s a complicated matter for both. Its like they’re there…but not there if that makes sense. No one truly understands me because of the horrible things I’ve been through as a child and adult. It feels like the mental and emotional pain will just consume me. I don’t want to feel this way. I fight it all the time. I get so tired of fighting. I want to not feel this way….I just don’t know how.
Hello Luna. I don’t think I am worthy enough to be giving you some advice since I too am somewhere among those lines I think.
I rhink that you would want to isolate yourself from the environment that is making you feel so. Give yourself some time to think without distractions. Maybe something like meditation centres.
Since our lives are so intertwined with the lives of those close to us, we can’t think selfishly; we have to consider those who are going to be affected. If you can let yourself decide what you want to do for yourself, what YOU want out of this, maybe it will help a bit. Taking a break once in a while is okay.
Qdas I really appreciate you offering support and help to me when you’re going through a difficult time. You gave some really interesting and thought provoking advice. Never quite thought about it like that. Thank you for helping me in your time of hurt. I’m really sorry you are going through a difficult time. I seriously wish I could give you and wiskered-fish the biggest of hugs.
Every person live their lives in their own way thus they have those years of experience. I can see that you have been through a lot. Sometimes talking to different people makes more sense because they can give you their perspective, their solution to your problem. It may not work fully or work at all, but you get you know that someone tried to get through the problem that way and it worked for them. I myself am spending some time in solitude, trying to think things through. It has helped me feel a lot better than what I used to. Hope it helps you too!
I couldn’t agree more Qdas. Makes perfect sense. Not everyone will understand but some individuals can comprehend it better because of similar/identical experiences. It really helps talking to someone to gain clarity through the emotions and pain. Your advice has helped me gain a clarity I haven’t had in a long time. I have indeed been through some pretty awful things. My whole life story would make anyone depressed and shocked I’ve made it this far. I’ve survived a lot of bad things…most of which were caused by other people. The emotions catch up sometimes and become to much. Kindness for me is like gold. I appreciate each and every small kind thing anyone does for me. Which is why I’m very appreciative of you helping during your own struggle. You’re seriously awesome. I’m glad it’s helping you. It has been helping me.
I am so happy to know that it has helped you. It’s good to know that you are ready to try new things to live better. Also please do share me if you find more effective ways.. I can’t stay forever alone either! Haha..
It really has. Its still a day to day struggle but I really don’t want to feel the way I do. So I’m definitely open to suggestions that’ll help. If I find anymore good ways I surly will Qdas! I find watching youtube videos helps. Love watching people game (I love gaming), watching some of my favorite youtubers, movie reviews etc. Nobody wants to be forever alone. No matter how much some people may deny it…everyone deep down wants to be loved, wanted, desired and accepted. I know I do lol. High five for not wanting to be forever alone lol.
Hope you are doing fine now Luna. If you feel like talking to me, my email address is qdas39@gmail.com.