Well to be honest with you. Things have been going really well for me recently. They really have. I have traveled recently up North to the Boston area where I am originally from. I have been spending time with family. I have a nice place by the ocean to stay at and its really peaceful here and nice. I have looked up old friends that I have known since my childhood and gotten to see them and were planning on getting together again to catch up on life and reminisce about the good old days. I have been to the beach, I have had great meals with loved ones. I have gotten to go swimming and riding around in Maine on ATV vehicles and its all good.
But for some reason Im still not all that happy in life. I feel like a failure. I feel like I should be further along in life with certain areas of my life at this point. I feel like everybody else has a real life and I am just chugging along going through the motions. I suffer a lot and wish the suffering would stop. I also feel sometimes that I am just bored with life and dont want to be alive anymore. BUT, for the sake of my family and friends and for the sake of God and for the possibility of things getting better somehow I just keep going. I wake up everyday and try really hard to be thankful for another day. I try really hard to get as much fun out of everyday and be kind to other people. I try really hard to be glad to be alive…. but there is a part of me that would like it all to be over. I feel like the best years of my life are behind me and now I am just going through the motions of life,,, but not really wanting to be alive anymore. If had more options in life it would be easier to go on. I feel like my options in life are kind of limited right now…but I make the most out of the options that I do have. I feel like I have to work harder in life to get less then what other people have and I am getting tired of it. I am tired of being in difficult situations and having limited resources to deal with my big issues.
I guess this is my rant of the day. I always feel better when I rant at this site. LOL. I feel better when I get feedback from people here. Many people here have helped me get through difficult times. So I am NOT suicidal at this time. I am just at a point where I wonder about my future and wish I was in a better position in life. I sometimes feel like a burden to others and to the world and that I dont deserve to even be alive. I used to be so passionate about life some years ago… but somewhere the passion for life escaped me. I guess I need to spend some time trying to get that back and fix a few things in my life so that I can get happy again.
sorry for my rant.
some encouraging words could help
5 comments
I often feel like I am “just going through the motions” too. Like I’m an actress starring in this parody of my own life. Like I’m not always “real”; but some odd version of myself.
It’s a strange feeling.
I hope you find your passion For life again.
Yeah, I curently have a pretty good life. But my heart just isnt in it all the way. I feel like I am just going through the motions. Just going along with life because I am supposed to but my passion and zeal for life seems to not be there. I thank you for your post and I hope I get my passion for life back. I can remember the days when I loved life at every step… I hope to get back to that place again. thank you for you comment.
Is not it due to lack of love in your life ? Is not it because of absence of someone who care you ? Is not it because of lack of mission in life ? Is not is the result of loneliness ?
This probably isn’t what you meant by encouraging words, but I’m not too good at helping people, so this will have to do.
“I sometimes feel like a burden to others and to the world and that I don’t deserve to even be alive.”
Phantom, I simply can’t agree with you here. I can somewhat understand that feeling, because I’ve felt similarly. But today, at least, I can’t agree. And here’s why.
Your main critique of yourself in this post seems to be that you aren’t “really living.” That you haven’t accomplished much in life and haven’t made much of the time you’ve had here on this earth. (Correct me if I misread. I’m incredibly tired.) Now, I don’t know if that’s true. But even if it is true, I don’t think that you’re the only one. In fact, I think it’s a very common ailment. I think most people live unsubstantial, unexciting lives. That’s just sort of the human condition. So if you don’t deserve to be alive, then most people don’t deserve to be alive either. And wouldn’t you agree that that notion is a little absurd?
I hope you enjoy your traveling. And I hope that you come to feel better about yourself.
thanks folks.
I feel like I have accomplished much in my life… in the past. But now for some reason I just dont seem to want to go the distance. Like My life in the past was good. not that good but it was good. Now I seem to be barely able to hold it together and I am getting tired of it. I am tired of life. Tired of the struggles, tired of a lot of things. I think that if I had died the last time I tried to kill myself… it would have been a perfect time to exit. Now I am just trying to pick up the pieces to a broken life and it doesn’t seem to be working out to well.
I think I did well with life for about 42 years. Now I am 44 and I think the good times are past. I dont want to hold on to nothing. I don’t want to have it bad. I dont want to struggle through another 30 years of life. I just dont see it happening.