so yeah, I got a long break from this site. So yeah, I gained some experience over the couple months.
If you love someone but the person doesn’t love you, tell her/or not, and then you disconnect with her/him. You delete everything, phone numbers, throw away pictures or you bury the, never talk to that person ever again. Let this person rest in your history, don’t run towards the future while looking back and hoping things will turn out how you wish it to be. Begin again, even if it hurts, scars don’t hurt after a while. The one I loved, was a good person, she was sad after I said everything, she wanted to help, she didn’t understood how much love can hurt. But persons like that are rare, most people will forget you, they don’t hold onto you, so give them the same treatment.
Psychiatrist don’t do sh*t if you aren’t going there at least for 5 years.
We become disconnected with the world after long periods of solitude. I became paranoid, I assume that people I know, people who are like family, are going to kill me, steal, do bad things. Solitude will teach us that we don’t “need” the world, but a part of us “wants” a world. Friends, family, hobbies, a social life, but for us it has become something we could throw away anytime we want. But living alone can be boring. What good is it if you can paint, but no one will ever see it? How much worth does an unread book have ? Are we going to sit all the time in an empty room, looking outside the window and say to ourselves “if only” ?
Be honest with you, and the world.
Most things I ever do is only with one half of my heart. I stopped smiling over things I used to smile at, but I smile with no happiness. I don’t enjoy things I used to enjoy, but do them afterwards. I lost parts of me I can’t retrieve, and wasting time on finding them is not an option. Even if people would like me to, I couldn’t, I changed, I let history be history, I let go of myself, maybe it was right, maybe bad.
But in the end, life is long, we live a 70-90 years, a day is long enough if you have no means of passing every interval between 2 seconds. Living day by day, with no plan is a no go. Don’t hope for good fortune, don’t hope for heritage. Build a little future, even if it gets grim.
And hi monster, long time no see.