purging

five months since i have posted here last. five months of pure hell. grief, depression, resentment, self-loathing, the ever present “it” that wants me dead. there isn’t any facet of my life that is good right now. i am currently purging my house to both make room for all the stuff from my recently deceased parents house and to symbolically at least erase myself. the farther removed i am from my parents deaths the more everything seems wrong. there isn’t a facet of my life that is going well for me. marriage, job, health etc etc etc. i was ready to check out today. i have set a date. when is largely irrelevant. things i need to do yet to prepare. i have spent a lifetime hiding in plain site. no reason i can’t hide a little while longer. hide, disconnect, detach, erase. remedy this horrible mistake of a life. its my mess, my responsibility.