Quite Upset Once In A While

I’m quite upset currently. For many reasons, it’s like I’m carrying an extreme weight all the time but it only bears down on me sometimes. Sometimes I can forget about it for a little bit but it is always there and it is always prominent, in the back of my mind or right infant of me. And right now it’s infant of me, and it’s staring at me like one of the demons from Supernatural. And i wield my invisable sword, and take a swing. Obviously nothing happens, because it’s fucking invisible, but i hold to the idea that I’m trying and perhaps getting somewhere, because that’s all there is to do. But tonights dirty silver platter is the incredibly overweighing, ridiculously enraging knowledge that I am the product of my parents biggest mistake. I am their biggest mistake. They have made mistakes, okay, so has everyone, but they really fucked up this time. They could’ve saved themselves while they still could, put me up for adoptionn,  let me die as a baby because atleast that would’ve saved me from this bullshit, ANYTHING, they could have done anything, but no, they had to let me grow up, let me experience more and let the fire infinite even higher, and for this I blame them, I will never, perhaps not even in the hereafter, forgive them for giving birth to me. It is the shittiest mistake anyone could’ve made. Sure, some of it is my fault as well, i could’ve been smart or pretty, or talented or a lovely human being that actually went somewhere in the world, but I’m not, they fucked up quite bad, I will be their biggest mistake until I cut my own cord and kill myself, and I’m sure they’ll be quite glad, despite what they say, so if they see this ever somehow..you guys fucked up. But I must also say I’m sorry for not being a lovely daughter, that’s partly my fault. But with that, I shall end this rant. You’re all lovely, so have a lovely night.  Peace and Love, Hailee.