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The War

by The Advisor

PLEASE READ: I suppose it’s time to come clean. For the record, most of the war I’ve been fighting has been psychological. The psychological warfare I’ve been involved has been nothing but hell and it’s because of me.

I’ve been fighting alone for many years because I refuse to ask for help. Back when it was more evident that serious problems were occurring,  I resorted to many methods to seize the very insanity that was about to occur.

My many failed attempts to end it have only resulted in more problems because I lashed out. I did this to end the war, but it never ended. I barely escaped that backfire and came across someone different, they are called lights. Lights are people who have a near perfect view of life.

I began to explain what was happening, but I ruined them with such stories. Hense to those who have been following my posts see that I refuse to speak about it again. The psychological aspect of the war I thought was over have taken their toll on me and my heart. I have become numb and am fading away because things that happened so long ago. This is by far the most useful weapon to use on an individual because of how easy it is to use. The sound of my silence are overwhelming and too much to endure any longer.

PEOPLE SHOULDN’T SUFFER THIS MUCH!!! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!! I hate more than I love and I fear the very help I know I need because of what happened with the light. All I want is to hear her laughter one more time before I die. Is that too much to ask?

 

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Randall 7/6/2016 - 4:08 am

Not too much to ask. Hope you find ‘the light’ and hear the laughter.

The Advisor 7/7/2016 - 2:44 am

I won’t live that long and she doesn’t want to be found.

shatterediris 7/6/2016 - 4:36 am

awwww your poor light, she didn’t seem to be bright enough…. The war metaphor is pre decent actually, and with getting help I guess you’d be bringing them into the battlefield on the front lines (staying with-in metaphor) and anyone who finds themselves in that position will forever be altered…. But you do need help though, and you really shouldn’t feel afraid to ask for help, although I probably wouldn’t recommend asking for help from people who are just friends. They are probably okay to share a bit with, but sharing everything with them could probably cause them problems, I would recommend maybe finding a counselor or somebody who is trained to help you out…. After all if I want to use your metaphor it would generally be a lot better for a battlefield medic to help a wounded solider than a civilian medic, although the civilian medic probably will be able to help, they will more than likely be affected much more by what they see and experience since they are not trained to deal with such things…. I hope I said something that helps you in some way, even just a little bit. And I hope that you will be able to start feeling better…. I wish you luck ^_^

shatterediris 7/6/2016 - 4:39 am

BTW the first sentence about your light wasn’t meant to sound as mean as it does when I re-read it now…. I intended for the “awwww” to be genuine but just due to my word choice it sort of is easy to read in a sarcastic/mocking tone…. That is not the tone I was going for, I was actually going for more of a “I’m sorry about that” tone….

The Advisor 7/7/2016 - 2:41 am

I understand your standing on the matter however, I have one question. What the hell are you doing here? On this site? Your wisdom and bright mind are evident and I feel this may not be the place for you. Of course, I am unaware of your life and any struggles you may have, but I feel you have a lot of potential in a brighter world than this. I appreciate what you said about my rambling and my problems. I just can’t understand your presence in an environment such as this. Take care, comrade.

shatterediris 7/7/2016 - 3:27 am

Awwww thanks much for that question about why I’m here…. I like that I don’t appear to be broken to you ^_^ mostly I’m here because I hate myself just so much, I have problems with anxiety, and I am wanting to live less and less everyday…. I have finally found help though and have realized that it’s really quite useful ^_^ I would highly recommend it, if you can afford it…. It’s quite sad how that costs money, but it does…. Although there are things in place to help pay for that, so that may be worth looking into. I wish you the best. ^_^

The Advisor 7/7/2016 - 3:53 am

Finances are not the issue, it’s trust. I only have one option to fix this without death but I fear the worst may become that of reality due to the fact that my person of interest may be in too much pain already. They have been suffering with depression for awhile now and cannot be shaken by this.

The Advisor 7/7/2016 - 3:54 am

If I live, I will never forget you. Stay true.

shatterediris 7/7/2016 - 4:06 am

Trust is very hard to have…. But surprisingly counselors are really good at creating trust quickly, mine speaks very passively and in a calm manner which really helps me calm down and feel safe around him. Psychology today’s site has a find a counselor feature that is fairly helpful, you can sort them based off of what they do and everything like that. And the person of your interest you probably should convince to find somebody to help too…. Maybe you two could push each other into it? Also general doctors aren’t a bad place to start either. The hardest part for me was just telling somebody for the first time, which I did with some stranger at the crisis response center after I got sent there after having a panic attack. After that it got easier to talk about, and things have been getting better…. I wish you luck ^_^

shatterediris 7/7/2016 - 4:08 am

Okay psychology today’s site it is actually called “find a therapist” but same thing…. I just say counselor as that’s the word mine prefers, so is what I’m used to saying.

Escalado 7/6/2016 - 6:54 am

I’m with Randall on this.

All the best, bruv.

dramaqueen90 7/6/2016 - 1:48 pm

the war is inside raging. I have the hardest time asking for help. I rarely have asked. If you die you can’t hear her laugh. If you want to hear her laugh keep fighting. Use her laugh as motivation. Let her be the light. Believe it will happen.

The Advisor 7/7/2016 - 2:43 am

As far as I know, she is too far away and wouldn’t want me to find her. She probably won’t even know I’m dead when it happens.

dramaqueen90 7/7/2016 - 7:38 pm

You never know just saying people change and im sure she would know I found out from my adopted parents that my birthmother died and I had no idea where she was at.

dramaqueen90 7/7/2016 - 7:45 pm

So you don’t know know where she is you have no connections with eachother or someone you know who could pass along a message?

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