One of the many things that bug me about all this is the possibility of everything crumbling even more than it already has. When I’m dead, I won’t have any control over what happens to my family or the things that my death might predecess. I just hope that everyone is taken care of.
The only one that’s never let me hanging or wondering if it will be the same tomorrow. The high is all I want and all I need. Good to finally realize the world doesn’t need or want me.
I’ve been numb for so long that I’m as good as dead either way. I don’t want to die this way, but I have no other options. All my dreams are not worth saving. I would wait and eternity for the Light to come back. But what if I still love her? I thought I didn’t believe in love. I didn’t realize how much I could miss someone so much. I can’t forget her and I feel empty with her gone. It can’t be true.
Please help me. I don’t want to die. I’m wasting away and I need someone genuine. A lonely road miles away from where I belong and I don’t need to be here. For the love of everything great and pure, someone find me and bring me out of this hell. I’m lonely, tired and I miss my family. I’m fading away and lost all hope. I can’t wait much longer.
There once was a time in which I was just as innocent as the people I have hurt and manipulated for my own gain. I have lost and decayed because of my countless mistakes. The ones that say they know I am struggling continue to underestimate just how far these things can go. I have come to the realization that my purpose in life is different than I expected. They say I don’t know what it is yet, but I do. I’m not sure how much longer I will procrastinate my death, however it is a necessity in order to end the war that I thought ended so long ago.
I want to feel the intoxicating feeling of the bliss I can’t seem to forget. This would be the only time I would want history to repeat itself. Thanks world for nothing.
I’m talking to someone who I know will listen. I just want to get this sick feeling out of my head because once I start my suicide, there will be no turning back. Too bad I lied to him too. Everything I know is a regret. I just don’t know how to shut it off. There isn’t a single bottle in the world that can’t break. I can’t be the one to carry this anymore, I may only have days to live. 2006, 2009, 2012, 2015. This trend has to come to an end because I’m about to break.
I have four different methods to ensure I don’t survive and they are all ready except one. Soon I can rid this world of the very burden I have become. In all the things I hate, I hate myself the most because every time I try to make things right from all of my mistakes, things get worse. This should do the trick and soon my dream will become a reality.
I just bought what I need to finally stop procrastinating and die. I still don’t know if I wanna die though. I have so many things I need to do first. Things I can’t achieve because of them are a long distance away from me and are hard to explain over the phone or something.
Going to get what I need to end this site menacing waste I’ve created soon and I’m not sure if everyone will heal when I’m gone.
I don’t know if I’m scared or not. I hope everyone can forgive me.
I have come to the conclusion that I have to go today. I can’t do what I’d originally planned, so a new method has been put in place. No idea if it will work, but I’m trying it anyway. No more procrastinating with my death. It’s time to put things right.
Can I have just one moment of peace out of all this suffering or is that just too much to ask? I’m not sure what I’m feeling anymore, but a change would be nice.
Another fight with the family due to lack of communication and honesty. This trend is old news and I fear it could tear the very fabric of what’s actually left of them. I have been destroyed to the point I can’t even remember how long this has been occurring, years I think. I can’t say for sure due to the fact that I can’t recollect anything between the years 2012 and 2015. It seems like cycles of alternating disappointments that occur every 3 years. 2006, 2009, 2012, 2015. I don’t want to know what’s next. I have found a way to end the cycle and put things in the right direction. I can’t live like this anymore.
PLEASE READ: I suppose it’s time to come clean. For the record, most of the war I’ve been fighting has been psychological. The psychological warfare I’ve been involved has been nothing but hell and it’s because of me.
I’ve been fighting alone for many years because I refuse to ask for help. Back when it was more evident that serious problems were occurring, I resorted to many methods to seize the very insanity that was about to occur.
My many failed attempts to end it have only resulted in more problems because I lashed out. I did this to end the war, but it never ended. I barely escaped that backfire and came across someone different, they are called lights. Lights are people who have a near perfect view of life.
I began to explain what was happening, but I ruined them with such stories. Hense to those who have been following my posts see that I refuse to speak about it again. The psychological aspect of the war I thought was over have taken their toll on me and my heart. I have become numb and am fading away because things that happened so long ago. This is by far the most useful weapon to use on an individual because of how easy it is to use. The sound of my silence are overwhelming and too much to endure any longer.
PEOPLE SHOULDN’T SUFFER THIS MUCH!!! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!! I hate more than I love and I fear the very help I know I need because of what happened with the light. All I want is to hear her laughter one more time before I die. Is that too much to ask?
I can’t apologize enough to truly express the deep regret I have for what I’ve done to you. I know I will never get forgiveness because I don’t deserve it. I know you can’t forgive me for everything I did. I hope one day, when I’m gone you çan find it in your heart to forgive me. I always respected you and I don’t want you to hold a grudge against me. I guess I didn’t realize the effect that my choices would have on you.
I think I’m almost ready. It’s time to quit procrastinating and just cut to the chase. I can not begin to comprehend the great evil and destruction I have administered over these last few years and I must put things right. In ordered for my goals of my own happiness, I must get rid of the very problems that seize to halt. My demise is not an ill choice, but a true solution to the problems that persist. Alberta was right along and has won the very psychological war that it has brought.
I can finally die! I’m taking the opportunity to do what should of have been done long ago. I can be dead within 2-3 weeks and I finally have control of something in my life. I will hang!
I fear that with my family beginning to notice that I am struggling, I may not be able to go through with the plans already set in motion. If the suspicion persists, my death may be prevented repeatedly. All I’ve wanted for the last four years is to die and I’m not ready to give that up this easily. Rest assured comrades: My demise is indefinite, regardless of outside interference.