I haven’t posted on here in a while, because I guess I’ve been pretty stable. I can consistently get up, go to work, and find ways to distract myself. A few times a week I can do things I enjoy. But I’ve pretty much given up on ever loving anyone, or trusting anyone, or hoping for anything, or setting any significant goals. It’s just not worth getting crushed again, because I know I’ve never been able to control my feelings. I’d rather be bitter and miserable than vulnerable.
So I guess I’ll just keep fighting the world. And if I lose, which I probably will, that’s OK, since I’ve never liked myself at all anyway.