So today over something so very fucking stupid I just sort of broke everything…. at least tried really hard to. And at least most of the things that I enjoy having in my life…. I threw my headset against the wall…. It’s pre fucked now, the phone that I bought so i could play pokemon go got thrown, it seems mostly okay only partially fucked. broke a television there’s a small hole in the wall…. my hand hurts it was all bent out of shape for a bit (in a literal way) but it’s back to its original shape, and now just slightly hurts…. I was really hoping that I broke it, and that it would never work right again and that due to it I would never be able to do anything that I want to do again…. I deserve that to happen…. I may just go and bash it against my dresser until it does break, it would break eventually…. it’s a very solid wood dresser I’m sure I could break my hand on it. I threw a fit just like a child, I should feel ashamed of it…. Fuck thos epeople too they didn’t help, I want to find them and murder them, but I know that I won’t I feel like I could probably find them though, wouldn’t be too hard…. But they got all pissy about how I didn’t want to break the law while driving and threw stuffs at me…. They deserve to die…. I wish that I had a gun it could solve so many of my problems…. But that’s probably why my father locked his guns up when he left the house…. he clearly doesn’t trust me
I want to hurt myself tonight, I’m going to do something…. even if it is just a simple OD I’m going to do something that will hurt me in some way…. I really want to stick my hand in the oven until most of the muscle starts to fall off…. I doubt I could keep it in for that long because I’m a little ***** but I deserve to lose it, I don’t deserve to have hands, or limbs or to be able bodied I need to ruin my body, I need to ruin it enough so I will never be able to feel normal or happy ever again I don’t deserve a chance at those things.
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, it kind of makes me hesitate cutting or burning myself, I will have to be careful…. -_- she’s going to be mad if I mention that I havent’ been taking my meds, but I should probably tell her. maybe I could just decide not to show up and stop seeing her…. yes that is probably the best idea.
8 comments
I think it’d be a good idea to see your therapist to help you deal with your emotions. If the meds were helping you, perhaps it’s better to say on them?
I get countless hours of entertainment from all my gear and I make my income from my computer, so it’s not something I’d ever consider destroying. If you break your things, it’ll get costly to replace those items.
Frankly you’d gain so much more if you joined a gym or boxing club-one of the best means to let out your aggression in a productive way. I’m sorry you’re so upset-I have no idea over what it was about but it’s all the more reason to keep seeing your doctor who can hopefully help you.
And don’t think you’re alone, we’ve all had our moments of rage/anger in our lives-just find a way to control it and channel it in better ways. Lastly if you burn your hands or self-harm, you’ll just end up injured, unable to do the most basic things to take care of yourself and maybe have a long stay at a hospital. Think it through.
I used to go a gym, it was actually quite nice, I also get much entertainment out of my thigns too, which is probably why I tried breaking them…. The headset I managed to push back together and everythign still works fine, it’s just much less comfortable now…. :/ I’m still quite upset at myself for this outburst.
I used to be at the gym all the time-it does wonders for your health and your looks. I regret giving it up, but I had no choice due to education/career, etc taking up my time. But I’m planning to get back into it so I can get fit like I was in my 20s.
Well its good that your gear wasn’t totally destroyed. The key here, I’m sure you know, is to control your emotions, not to let them control you. Also to have goals/plans to change your life, get to where you want to be.
For instance I used to live with my father for a while and we didn’t like each other, it created stress for me so I made a plan to move on my own and eventually did. He and I are friends now and it’s good to be under my own roof, not someone else’s. I’m still not where I’d like to be-I’m renting and want to get my own house and it’s something I’m working on, hopefully it’ll happen this year.
I feel you. I yell these dayd when my anger is boiling over. But a couple of weeks ago I lost it. Broke a glass coffee table with my forehead. Threw a few glasses against the wall. Punched a mirror and broke it with an iron when I realised my hands werent stronh enough to break it. Then took the glass pieces and tried to slash my wrists.
I dont even know what to say to help. I need help myself. Having a hard time controlling my own anger. Hope things get better for you.
anger is quite annoying…. Although I managed to get threw the night without actually hurting myself, so that’s good 😀
Your Not a stupid fucking piece of shit
I felt like one -_-
Well your not I’m sorry you felt like that I know the feeling