Empty tonight, empty tomorrow

I can’t write very well, nor sing or dance very well. I can’t play music very well, and I also can’t speak to people in public. I can’t make conversation without being awkward, I can’t keep eye contact with anyone. I am not good at any sport. I don’t know how to do math (I’m turning 22 soon and I don’t know how to do algebra.) I can’t hear or see as good as I used to, and I’m so young that that shouldn’t even matter. I am too afraid to go to the store on my own, but I’m also too shy to make any friends so If I do end up going I usually bring the only friend I have, seeing as every other friend I have had eventually realized how useless I actually was. I am not good at typing, I can’t remember how to type the “correct” way. I am not very good at video games, and my photography skills aren’t really skills because I have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t know anything about doing bills, or even how credit scores and debt works at all. I am a super slow learner, so I never really catch on to my job until they are already considering firing me. I don’t know anything about cars, or computers, or construction or electrician work. I can’t even wire up my own sound systems without fucking something up permanently. I have no awards, no trophies, no medals, no achievements, no scholarships, no recognitions, no worthy references. My resume is choppy and un-professional due to all the times I have been let go. I even tried killing myself twice in my lifetime, both of which were failed attempts none the less. I don’t know directions very well at all, and would probably get lost if I was asked to find a certain place. I have never been to college and don’t plan on going, not only because I am behind in 6 different classes but also because I am too afraid. I have massive anxiety that keeps me inside my room most of my life, my depression demotivates me from even wanting to accomplishments my unrealistic hopes and dreams. My Tourette syndrome causes my eyes to twitch and my words to stutter when I’m nervous so I can’t risk being in public for too long. I have paranoid schizophrenia, so many nights I don’t even know if what I’m hearing is real, and when I have panic attacks all I can hear is screaming in my head and the world becomes too loud for me to focus. My OCD causes me to freak out about anything unorganized, I can never shake the thought that something bad will happen if I don’t abide by my compulsiveness. I live in my parents basement without a single ounce of accomplishment, I have no motivation, I only have one friend. I have been single for 5 years, and that is really just a result of me not being the most appealing looking person on earth, but also because I am a 420 friendly vegan hippy that everyone thinks is just a freak because I eat plants. I don’t own my own car, or my own cell phone. I have never gotten close to moving out, and even if I had the money, my credit score is such shit that they won’t allow me to even have a gamestop credit card. Like seriously, the world thinks it’s going to get anything from me? I really should have been discarded when the universe was planning on me being here. Fuck having a purpose, like cmon…