I’m on vacation right now, i should be happy, i should feel rested but I’m not. i feel exhausted sad and depressed. at night thoughts of cutting my self flood my brain and i can’t think of anything else. i feel so alone. i shouldn’t feel this way. i have one person looking out for me and loves me and i don’t even see them anymore. all i see now is when is the next time i can cut myself. i don’t deserve her.
i feel so guilty, she’s the best girl in the whole world and i fall for other people, of course they don’t like me back so it leaves me feeling alone. I’m soungrateful. i wish i could give my life away. i don’t deserve it. i don’t deserve her.
i just keep watching American horror story season 1 episode 1 on a loop just to see the blood run from her veins. I’m crazy. I deserve to die.