i went to the bar last night. i was having fun but i got to the point of no return. i was blackout drunk and i dont remember anything from midnight on. i woke up naked with a man i’ve never met before, covered in hickies and bite marks and sore down ‘there’ as well. i know the sex was good because i like it rough like that, but i don’t feel good about how it happened. it feels like was taken advantage of and used. was it rape? how do i know?
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There’s something called “informed consent”. This means consenting to do something while in a clear enough state of mind to know what you’re doing. It means making a decision while fully aware of what you’re getting into. If you were blackout drunk you weren’t in a position to grant informed consent.
Was it rape? Not if you consented. Was it unethical on the guy’s part to have sex with a girl who was too drunk to remember the details of last night? In my opinion, yes.
I don’t want to preach, but if you go drinking and decide to get hammered like that again, go with friends who can keep an eye on you. Go out to the bar with people whose judgment you trust, people who could talk you out of leaving the bar with a potentially shady stranger. Don’t feel too badly, though, everyone’s had a momentary lapse of reason (more than just once) in their past. Good luck.
He probably took advantage of you (some guys love taking advantage of drunk girls), but your actions may have lead him to think it was consensual.
If you want, you could report him to the police, but unless other women have also reported him, they won’t take it seriously.
In the future? If you think you’re at risk of “going home with a stranger” then leave the bar before you get to the point of being “black out drunk”. Maybe take a friend you can trust so that they remind you not to get carried away.
I guess this is a +3 kind of post. It’s a real thin line regarding rape in this situation, because you might have consented or not, but if you were too hammered to remember… yeah, it’s a case of him saying “she consented” and you claiming otherwise. Don’t drink without a friend nearby if you know you’re likely to blackout, things like this are bound to happen again if you end up blacking out again.