I would write out a suicide note, but then they’d remember me. I wouldn’t want that, now would I? I have caused enough pain and suffering to everyone around me; I don’t need to make it worse. I honestly don’t even know why I am keeping myself alive.
Yes I do. It’s not even for the noble cause of saving my family that I keep saying it is. I wish it were. I wish I was a better person. But, no. I am still me. The same old awful me that had to be fucking dragged out of the womb. The same old awful me who can’t even manage to function properly without talking. The same old awful me that is still alive, despite my realization that I do not under any circumstances deserve to live as good of a life as I am living.
Why has no one killed me yet? Why have I not died of some awful, painful disease? Why am I not dying an excruciating death at this very moment? We all know I damn well deserve it. We all know it would be best for everyone. We all secretly hope that I don’t make it until tomorrow. No one wants to see me write some more shit down. Besides, there’s enough posts on this site from people who ACTUALLY FUCKING MATTER without me clouding it up with all my shit.
But, I guess it’s in my nature to fuck things up for everyone. I mean, why else would I knowingly continue to post this shit even after I am well-aware that I am unwanted.
DAMMIT! FUCKING DAMMIT! THIS SOUNDS LIKE A GODDAMN PITY POST. “OH WOE IS ME! MY LIFE IS SO HARD”. NO! THE ONLY REASON MY LIFE SUCKS IS BECAUSE I’M IN IT!
I fucking hate everything about me. If you knew me in real life, you’d hate me, too. I can’t keep steady friends. I guess that’s what happens when you’re a FUCKING HYPOCRITE.
Can everyone please just take a moment and say something shitty about me? If I can really realize how fucking awful I am, maybe the human race still has a chance to be saved. Maybe it’ll push me just far enough over the edge that I will kill myself. I hope it does. I hope it does so that no one ever has to worry about me fucking up their life ever again.
I’m so sorry to everyone whose life I have ruined. Unfortunately, saying sorry is empty and meaningless without action. The only action I can think that would pay a small amount of recompense for all of these awful things I’ve done is killing myself. I hope that this can make up for all of the awful things that I’ve done, but I know it won’t because of my endless transgressions against the human race.
It would probably be best not to forgive me. I deserve all the shame and guilt that comes with being me. I am awful. I am dog shit. I’m not the special person that my naivr self pretended to be.
I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, but words are dead without actions.
2 comments
Hey look it’s my internal monologue.
Kid, if you’re still there, you need to know how alike this sounds to what runs through my head every day.
I’m out here hoping things get better for you
I feel the same exact way everyday. I wish I had enough courage to end my life, but it seems I am going to live a while longer and probably ruin more people’s lives. I would try to comfort you by saying you probably haven’t done as many bad things as I have, but I don’t know your situation, and it probably wouldn’t mean much anyway. Good luck with whatever you plan on doing with your life, whether that be ending it or trying to recompense for whatever you’ve done.