A few Christmases ago, my mother connected the speakers of the family computer to an iTunes radio station that played Christmas-themed jazz 24/7. This was back when I used to sit at the desktop computer playing games and whatnot all the time, meaning that the music played right beside me. I’ve always enjoyed the genre, so I didn’t mind it.
What I didn’t realise is the atmosphere which that music created. It was depressing, the weather was depressing, my life of being on the computer incessantly was depressing; it was just a sad but unique ambience. I remember the songs distantly rocking in the air around my head as my Minecraft avatar trekked through the woods or wherever, whilst twinkly lights shone outside the window beside the computer.
Well, this morning, I woke up at 4:30am for work. (I should’ve died yesterday. I hate my job.) My alarm is my radio, which blasts either an indie station or a jazz station to wake me up. Today, it was the latter, and at such a shitty, dead hour, the sad Christmas song drifting through the air brought me back into old vibes… Playing silly games, enjoying those songs, sometimes to the point of finding them with Shazam…
Those days were so depressing but I wasn’t depressed like I am now. They were better. I still had my anchor in my life (we don’t talk anymore) and everything was more lighthearted overall.
Even today’s snow thrusts old feelings back into my stomach. It’s just ridiculous how effective these atmospheric elements are at evoking such nostalgia. I don’t know how to feel.
1 comment
I know how you feel, i think a lot of people think about their childhood/past this way at their own way.