I might be one of the few people on here who is honestly not that depressed. I would have plenty to live for, if so many uncannily bad things hadn’t happened to me over the past year or so. It all started with with a freak accident, then another one two weeks later, then a botched medical procedure that messed up my spine. Fast forward a year later, and you guessed it, another freak accident, right when I was starting to improve. Ever since that last accident, things seem to be getting worse. This isn’t about the fact that I have overwhelming debt, or that I’ll never have sex again because it’s too painful (I’ve tried). It’s really just that over time, things are getting worse, so I figure suicide is my only option. I would do it today, if I had the means, but there are no guns in the house, and no pills I trust will actually do the job. I’m really not depressed. Just figure suicide is my only option. I’m too disabled to go buy a gun, so the question is how? Quick and painless is the way I want to go, but I’m willing to consider less than ideal options at this point. The only thing I’d like to understand is why did this happen? Bad luck? Karma? Family curse? Health problems are common in my family for some reason, and one family member committed suicide already because of it. My health has always been good though. I just had lots of minor injuries to my brain/neck/back before the healing process could happen. If people knew how minor all the injuries were they would be baffled as to how it led to all this. They just all happened in a row. Has anyone had a similar string of bad things happen to them?
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2 comments
Are you sure you’re not depressed? Botched spine, lousy health, overwhelming debt & no sex ever again sounds like plenty of justification for depression. Hell, the no sex part alone is enough.
Sounds like I’m joking, but actually there’s a serious thought behind it. Depression seems to fall into 2 categories: (1) chronic depression, like you can’t pinpoint why you’re depressed or how it started. You’re just depressed; (2) acute depression that’s triggered by real events that would make anyone feel sad/hopeless.
You sound like you’re in category (2). So was I, but the scary thing is although the cause was very specific, it caused an entire attitude adjustment which has made me prone to senseless depression. I guess if your mind gets used to the feeling, even though the original cause is long gone or even forgotten, you’ve learned how to be depressed, and the routine never completely goes away.
Strings of bad luck, oh hell yes. I’m not religious, but I’ve had so many bizarre, agonizing events in the past few weeks I could almost believe some god was trying to test me. That would actually be a comfort. Even hating some god for my misfortune would be a release. But no, I believe bad luck is random.
You’re right. I’ve had both kinds of depression. I’m just surprised I’m not in category 1 after all this. I’m able to find joy in the small things right now like I never could before. In the end, I doubt it will be enough though. I’m not a huge fan of pain and discomfort.