I wake up with the notion that maybe you still love me. I know it’s not true. It’s been weeks, no, months, actually, I don’t even remember, it’s felt like a lifetime. Everyday without you in my life is an eternity spent in the company of misery. You were the bow to my strings, the stars to my night sky. Without you, I’m nothing. Without anything, what reason is there to stay? I remember your scars, the pattern of your iris, the smell of your hair. I remember holding you under the bright lights, crying, promising nothing could ever drive us apart. I remember the feeling of glee buying you Christmas gifts. I remember the butterflies seeing your smile. I remember it all, Abby. I know it’s in vain, but I vow that I would drop everything to just hold your hand again, just to hear your voice, just to see your smile. I suppose this is my signal. Without the stars, what is the sky but a vast darkness? Empty, cold, lifeless. Without your light in my life, your energy, your beauty, I’m just a vast expanse of nothing, and maybe it’s best if you shine by yourself. Perhaps we were screwed from the start, at least, I convinced myself of that, but it wasn’t true. You were devoted to me and I hurt you. Karma is hard mistress. Now you live your own life and I live mine clinging to you and you don’t even know. I’ve tried so hard to cut these ties I have to you. Why are they there? It almost seems that the harder I try, the stronger they are. It’s not fair. You have moved on. Why can’t I? Why can’t I? Why can’t I? Why do I love you more than ever?
Fuck…. just tell me you want me dead, ok? God knows I’d do anything for you.
Please Abby, see this somehow, please. I know you won’t, but please, see this.
Your love,
E.H
2 comments
I suppose, but the only head I want is my own anymore. Funny how it works, it almost seems all things are bound to some sort of law akin to that of physics, for every action there is an equal an opposite reaction. For every stroke of happiness, there is an equal and opposite stroke of despair. I’m just hoping that what I’m feeling is an indication of her own life. Sigh, that’s a bit dramatic, but it hurts to be told I’m unstable. I’m broken and don’t wish harm to anyone, really. Though, who isn’t broken. I suppose these thoughts are what make me unstable, huh? So what’s the use for someone like me? I can’t imagine there is one, so I suppose my options are limited. Hope to see you in another life, friend.
I had a true love that dropped me like a bag of rubbish .. A real long term relationship .. I had never been alone in life — Never .. But now NOTHING .. Nothing but quiet . I can’t shake the feeling of loneliness . I feel like the biggest looser on Earth ..I’m running out of money any hope I ever had of living .. Doctors / Meds / Help / are all too slow working .. She never said anything to me .. No reason why .. I am shattered … It’s hard with nobody around to give you hope .. Push on or Push off ????????????????