Actual Heartache

December 10th, 2016by EyeOfHorus

I wake up with the notion that maybe you still love me. I know it’s not true. It’s been weeks, no, months, actually, I don’t even remember, it’s felt like a lifetime. Everyday without you in my life is an eternity spent in the company of misery. You were the bow to my strings, the stars to my night sky. Without you, I’m nothing. Without anything, what reason is there to stay? I remember your scars, the pattern of your iris, the smell of your hair. I remember holding you under the bright lights, crying, promising nothing could ever drive us apart. I remember the feeling of glee buying you Christmas gifts. I remember the butterflies seeing your smile. I remember it all, Abby. I know it’s in vain, but I vow that I would drop everything to just hold your hand again, just to hear your voice, just to see your smile. I suppose this is my signal. Without the stars, what is the sky but a vast darkness? Empty, cold, lifeless. Without your light in my life, your energy, your beauty, I’m just a vast expanse of nothing, and maybe it’s best if you shine by yourself. Perhaps we were screwed from the start, at least, I convinced myself of that, but it wasn’t true. You were devoted to me and I hurt you. Karma is hard mistress. Now you live your own life and I live mine clinging to you and you don’t even know. I’ve tried so hard to cut these ties I have to you. Why are they there? It almost seems that the harder I try, the stronger they are. It’s not fair. You have moved on. Why can’t I? Why can’t I? Why can’t I? Why do I love you more than ever?

Fuck…. just tell me you want me dead, ok? God knows I’d do anything for you.

Please Abby, see this somehow, please. I know you won’t, but please, see this.

Your love,
E.H

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