I’m actually very sad and disappointed…. I stay up all night on Christmas eve making cookies for people…. and then on Christmas I go to my father’s (my grandparent’s old house (they’re both dead now)) to drop off his cookies before going out to my sisters (didn’t want his cookies getting cold and possibly stale in the car) and then just go back to see my father afterwards (at about 5pm) because he wanted me there for dinner…. So that used up most of my gas…. now I am uncertain I even have enough gas to find my way to a gas station, not that that would help at all anyway…. Because I has no more money anymore, I was kind of very dependent on my father giving me maybe $20-40 this Sunday (yes I’m still dependent on him, and yes I do live in his house…. Alone, but still his house (mostly because he has two now)) which is normal, but nope he did not…. It may be because he gave me more money than usual last week…. Which was for Christmas shopping which I did manage to use all of it buying gifts for the required people…. -_- But now I can’t go anywhere this week which sucks…. I’m rather sad about that, so sad that I actually cried while driving home last night, and cried myself to sleep, and am still very close to crying right now…. I hardly ever cry and this worries me….
I won’t be able to see my friend this Wednesday now probably…. It’s my favorite person, and they’re in town until Thursday…. We had made plans to see each other on Wednesday before they had to leave…. They won’t be back for another 6 months at least…. They actually can’t guarantee coming back before next December…. So I may not have a chance to see them again physically for another year…. This rather upsets me that I ruined the chance to see them now…. I should have mentioned something to my father…. Probably should have made a comment about not having much gas left…. I was really hoping I would run out of gas on the drive home so I could call him about it…. but that would have probably just led to me being abandoned for the night (as he was probably sleeping)
I really wish I wasn’t dependent on him…. I would love to be a normal person who is able to actually make their own money…. I’m tired of being a worthless fuck…. I want to see my friend and buy them a nice gift for Christmas too -_- but now I can’t even see them. I am going to cut myself pre soon I know it…. I also canceled my appointment with my counselor this week because I can’t make it…. And didn’t schedule another one, so that probably now means that I’m done seeing him as I will never call him again to schedule another….. Always would just do that after the last one…. So hey I can start cutting again, without worrying that my counselor will be asking about it ^_^ so now I won’t have to either lie about or admit to it, so probably going to start it again…. It will help with this situation a bit I’m sure…. I’m surprised that I didn’t last night, but I was pre tired due to not sleeping for the few days past…. Wow this is rambling now.
I hope you are all having better days than I am.
39 comments
Hey shattered…
Hey Pluto
Hope you do better soon. Sending good vibes your way.
I would be happy if it went better -_-
Well, maybe tomorrow it’ll go better…
-_- maybe
Yeah, life would be empty without ‘maybes’.
it wouldn’t be pleasant…. No…. I do hope I manage to find a way to see this person on Wednesday
I’m sure you will. Maybe you can ask your father, or maybe you can just run your ass off to get to them.
Maybe -_-
Yeah! You got dis shit!
hopefully :/
Maybe? Hopefully?! You mean: YES!
I don’t want to say “yes” because that could make things worse…. Then it’d feel worse if (when) it doesn’t happen -_-
Oh, I get it. I, myself, should know not to get my hopes up… But yeah, hopefully you do get to see them then. I wish you the best.
Thanks for the positive wish ^_^ I would really love to see them…. They are my closest friend, and more or less my favorite person…. I miss them so very much too…. It’s sad not being able to see them everyday like I used to be able to.
Yeah, being away from close friends isn’t easy. That’s why I believe you should take the chance while you still can.
so I guess I may just call my father tonight, and try to find a way to casually mention it somehow…. Knowing me I probably won’t manage to bring that up…. hopefully he does…. -_- Walking isn’t really a viable option since it would be roughly a 30 mile walk or so to get to them (which is a short drive yes, but a pre long walk) and the closest bus stop to me is 7 miles away, which is a bit more reasonable, except I don’t have enough money for the bus right now…. And I’m supposed to pick up my other friend too and bring them with so we’d all see each other, I doubt they’d be willing to pick me up to see them, if I can’t go they are probably just going to drive themselves to them. Maybe I should just start walking now -_-
Ahhh, while talking to your father: try to spark a conversation about cars or gas stations…or something. Then hopefully he’ll pick up on it and ask you. Or just mention something along the lines of: “I can’t really go anywhere”.
yeah that’s what I’m thinking…. but then after that the concern is he will probably have to come out to me to get me funds for gas, as I don’t think there is enough for me to get to him…. -_- He may yell at me too for running out of money so quickly….
Just explain to him why you’ve run out of money. I’m sure he’ll understand.
hopefully, I mean he did give me extra for gift buying and such…. but still maybe I over did it? is $60 too much to spend on gifts?
Hmmm, 60 isn’t bad. There’s some crazy mofos that spend, like, 2000 bucks!
Hope i’m not intruding by chiming in, but even if your father gets mad because you spent the money he gave you, isn’t it worth it if you’re able to buy gas again? $60 isn’t much for gifts (depending on how many people you’re buying things for, obviously), so it’s not far fetched that you ran out of money. FTR the cheaper gift i was able to get was something around 15$, so… yeah, it’s likely that your dad will get it and help you.
I would love to be able to spend 2000 on gifts…. I most certainly would if I was able to…. ummmm I was buying gifts for roughly 8 people…. so large chunks of the people had to share gifts from me…. Also I want to bake cookies for my friend…. so hopefully it works out and he’s just mad at me and I do manage to get money from that…. Worst case scenario is me getting kicked out…. -_-
Hmmm… Trade some cookies with your father…
I already gave him 3 dozen yesterday…. which is one of the things that really drained the gas that I had…. As I drove out to him, then to my sisters (which is closer to where I live), back out to him, and then back home -_-
Well…that should do it then… At least you gave him some…
yeah…. Technically he got more than anybody else too, as the 9 dozen I brought to my sister’s was shared among roughly 20 people…. -_- I was pre excited to see that most of the cookies I brought where ate…. there were about 8 left by the time I left her house.
Nice, that’s a good sign. You must be a good baker then.
Seemingly so…. More were ate than my mother’s…. Although I feel that may be simply because she brought gingerbread cookies, while I brought chocolate chip cookies, and some oatmeal cookies…. I do sort of feel like gingerbread is the inferior cookie out of all of those cookies…. -_- although I did eat the gingerbread because I was tired of the cookies I brought (I can’t help but to “sample” while baking)
I love gingerbread cookies…
Oatmeal is my favorite type of cookie, and I know a lot of people like chocolate chip…. Maybe people commonly like gingerbread, I kind of am working off of the assumption that this group didn’t…. as the other assumption as to why not many of her cookies were ate is a bit mean…. -_-
It’s because your cookies stole the show.
which would make me feel bad….
You shouldn’t feel bad. Your mother’s baking skills just rubbed off on you. That and the group just didn’t like gingerbread cookies.
yeah the group doesn’t like gingerbread, I just assume that they like soft cookies over hard cookies.
Yes, well I wish you godspeed on your future travels. Take care
Thanks
Have a wonderful day also ^_^