I don’t understand.
I have great friends, I am in a very loving and healthy long-term relationship, I’m in good shape and I’m healthy, I’m getting better grades than ever before, I have plenty of hobbies, I have a job I enjoy, and I’m financially stable.
Years ago, I told myself that if I reached this point, and if I acquired these things and worked very hard, I’d be a happier person. I’m not a happier person. In fact, this is the most unhappy I’ve ever been, because I’m starting to realize that no matter what I do I will always carry this pain around, and I can’t shake it.
I don’t want to live a life where I will never be 100%. I don’t want to live a life where I have to settle for fleeting moments of happiness. I feel empty every day. I don’t want a life where the best I can do is move on from what happened and try to forgive.
I don’t know how to stay motivated anymore when I have everything I thought I wanted.