to dangerous

the days are going by so quickly.Soon my sister will be going away and all i can do is try to leave her before she leaves me.Honestly its not fair.My sister doesnt even say she loves me sometimes she treats me terribly and yet i cant live without her cause ill be alone.I have other family but theyll leave to.they always say they will.i dont want to be alone.
Theres more two days ago i realized i was evil.The voices told me when i was fourteen i was now i realize that to be true.if i dont die someone will be hurt.I dont want to feel pain or hurt.and i dont want to cause pain or hurt while im alive.so i have to die before my secret is told or i do something unforgivable.theres no one i can trust with these bad thoughts except maybe a gun.im scared to die i just dont know how i can live feeling dirty and unclean.the world will better without me.Im scared to do this but in a few weeks i will really try hard to end my life