Back to the old ways

It has been about 3 years since i have posted on this website. Although I only have 3 posts on here, it was definitely interesting to read. I was looking through my old email and found one from this site. Of course, I haven’t gotten better. In reality, no one ever does; we just learn how to hide it as we grow. I cut less often now but it results to more deeper cuts. As you might be able to tell, I am still trying to leave. I feel like an absolute failure. I have no idea what I am doing with my life. I’m 20 years old and I am so over this world already. I can’t do a single thing correctly; I can’t even kill myself for christ sake. It’s embarrassing really. All I ever think about is death. It is so tempting. I just hope it happens soon, I cannot take this any longer. I feel like I’ve become a shitty person to other people. I ignore my friends, I fight and become angry so easy, I say and think nasty things of those who care. I hate myself. I cannot stand who I am. I deserve to suffer and that is exactly what my life is.