Anyone else hear about the girl who hung herself on live stream a few days ago? I just saw the video and I’ve been hung up on it for the whole day. She was only twelve.
Ive gotten better since I was last on this site but this made me remember a few things. I’m still completely convinced that I intend to end my life when I know it’s time. I’m not “over it” and even if I was I doubt I’d want to be. Part of me will always be stuck in the dark, so getting rid of the dark might as well be a suicide in itself.
I’ve also been very busy lately; I have a part time job now, anf although classes are over for the semester I’ve been gigging like crazy. A usual Thursday for me now is an 8 1/2 hour shift followed immediately by a gig on the other side of town that lasts until around 3 AM. I love what I do, but good lord is it exhausting. As much as it’s a good thing I’m worried that as the weeks go by I’ll stress myself out to the point of cutting again, but I’m not sure. I guess I’ll have to see.
Anyway, back on the girl, she honestly put me in a state that I haven’t been in for quite some time. I’ve become more well adjusted but I felt detached from the rest of the human race in a subtle way I couldn’t possibly describe. Loneliness is close, but it’s more than that. When I saw the video and I couldn’t believe it was real I felt a genuine kind of empathy and almost wishful, as weird and terrible as that sounds. I miss that extreme pain I felt years ago because at least then everything seemed so real and personal. Now as the days go by I feel myself drifting further from my friends who I used to talk to about this stuff and I honestly don’t know why. I can’t feel human, I guess, and when I saw that intense sadness and desperation it reminded me of myself, although tragically she was a great deal younger.
i don’t know, I guess. This is really just a rant about the crazy stuff I’ve been feeling all day. if anyone’s seen the video I’d be interested in talking about it (yeah I’m sure that sounds weird but hey, im already gonna kill myself so what have I got to lose). Anyway, it’s Thursday, so I have a gig to get back to.
5 comments
Haven’t seen it and don’t plan to. Sounds tragic.
I have, don’t know what’s worse, that we live in a shithole where 12yo girls feel like they have to kill themselves,
or that it isn’t even the worst or most tragic thing i have seen,
and i don’t even want to contemplate what i might see if i stay, in this ass stain of a world, for much longer
children 8-9yo children, or younger, killing themselves more and more, the world will never wake up or change, why would it when it doesn’t stop to pay attention, only slows down enough to gawk at the scene, like some morbid halftime show for them to take in amidst between the rush hour traffic flow.
i’ve got no quarrels leaving this sideshow
I’ saw it under a shared article on Facebook. I was actually most surprised that Facebook didn’t somehow weed that out as inappropriate. It’s genuinely one of the most disturbing things I’ve seen, and honestly just knowing about it is bad enough. There shouldn’t be a video of a 12 year old kicking a bucket underneath her and twitching when she runs out of air. This kind of stuff shouldn’t exist, but here it is. It’s things like this that make my half joke about voting for a giant meteor for president a half joke. I mean sure, everyone would be dead, and that’s terrible, but at the bare minimum there wouldn’t be so much god damn misery like that in the world.
I saw it. Its really something. Almost staged Id say, like something from a well thought out movie. Sun goes down and everything.
Is it real?
Saw it on YouTube. Flagged it as child abuse.
Whether it is real or not, it’s representative of something horrible that’s really going on in America.
And we need to ask ourselves: at 13, was she old enough to understand the consequences of her actions? I don’t think so.