Because we are not willing to accept the present moment unconditionally. We resist what already is and cannot be otherwise.
If this angers you, please don’t bother responding to me. I’ve got better things to do than argue with strangers on the internet, and I won’t be losing any sleep over your anger.
Accepting and liking the acceptance are two completely different things. I can accept my present situation does not mean I have to be happy about it hence why I am miserable. Make sense?
In other words, I disagree … accepting and liking the acceptance are NOT different. When you completely accept something, there is no resistance left. Otherwise, it’s not really acceptance.
Yes. Acceptance of the present moment is what TRUE spirituality is all about. There is NOTHING more essential to spirituality than acceptance of the present moment.
All that crap about homosexuality, abortion is evil, no premarital sex … is a bunch of made up BS that pretends to be “spirituality” or “religion”.
True spirituality is very simple and very practical. Accept what is … because, well.. it already is. Arguing against what already is …. is …. insane.
So you are saying that you finally accept the death of a loved one and doing so you somehow like it because you accepted it? I accepted the fact that my wife and I are no longer together, that does not mean I magically feel better. I accept the fact she and I are not together but I am far from being happy about it.
I do not agree with your logic at all….no offense.
I hear you, pal. I never once mentioned “happiness”. I mentioned peace.
Happiness is superficial … it comes and goes, like clouds in the sky or waves on the surface of the ocean. Peace is something far deeper and more meaningful. It is the stability, the anchor in our lives.
No worries. It is not necessary for us to agree. The present moment is us disagreeing, and I accept it 😀
So, I’m not saying you need to “like” the loss of a loved one. You don’t like it, you are ok with it, because people die, forms come and go, that’s just the way it is.
Like implies a polarity – like/dislike. When you accept, you neither like nor dislike. You’re just ok with it. You’re aligned with it, because nothing you do will bring the person back.
Just to let you know I am not trying to start an argument or have an e-fight but looking to have a disagreeable but civil debate. I think you raise a good topic and would like to debate on it civilly i you would want too. Would somehow give a small break to suicide talk since I am chickening out again it seems.
Good. We still disgrfee on that one part though. There are many things I have had to accept in my life but I do not like them. I have to accept my son being autistic and having issues and no I do not like it. Makes the word a bit darker for me for him.
I deffo won’t accept the current moment unconditionally. Im sorry if ya homeless, jobless and broke. It sounds tough, but ya might have no idea what some of the people on here are going through mentally. Just cause ya homeless, jobless and broke doesn’t put you on the first rung of the ladder.
You can’t change the weather. It doesn’t matter if you dislike the weather, or if you blame the weather for making you sad. The weather doesn’t care if you accept it or not; meteorological conditions won’t change to accommodate your refusal to accept reality.
Maybe it’s best to just accept the circumstances of a situation we have no control over.
I understand what you are saying but I am not wanting to change the weather and I know we cannot change the weather, we can accept the fact that we do not like the current weather regardless if we can change it or not.
I hated that Superstorm Sandy coming due to it knocking out power for a week and forced us into a hotel for a week that had the kids miserable. I accepted the hurricane was nasty and caused us to move and be in a situation, it did not mean that because I accepted it that it made the situation any easier or pleasurable or likeable. I hated every second of it.
Morris the questions was not about can you improve the situation bey hating or not hating it. That is a different conversation. The question posed is why are so miserable. Does hating or liking a situation help it or not help it? Depends on the situation but it doesn’t change the fact that the situation is happening regardless if we like it or lot.
Because we find ourselves in an unpleasant situation and we see no way out. We’re trapped by circumstances beyond our control and there is no clear exit strategy.
You are basing your conclusion on the fact that we are all miserable for the same things. You also seem to be upset or not happy with the answers given and looking to argue your point home.
Sometimes we are in a situation that there might be no way out or the end result will run you to the point of death or exhaustion.
People handle pain, misery and frustration a bit different than you or I. A ton of people that I see are miserable are miserable at the fact that world is becoming a gigant ball of self endulging people who worry more about what is on their cell phone and the next snap chat or instragram or whatever it is than having a conversation.
We have some of the worst driving conditions out there with peope oblvious to what is going on, you got corporations going under but the big bosses keep their money I mean it is a gigantic snowball effect and there is no way to change it.
It is not getting any better that is why I hope my suicide ends all of that pain.
There are things that some people may never accept, nor should they have to, one should never have to accept they got raped. One should never have to accept the fact they were abused . They can try and get over such things (which is impossible) so they never fully have peace, said people will forever be affected by things of such horrible acts. I’m sure others have other horrible things that have happened to them. And those people feel the only way they will find peace is thru ending their life. Not being argumentative with this just showing you a different perspective of why “we” are so fucking miserable
You’re right. No one needs to accept anything. It is a conscious choice to be made.
One only needs to accept reality if they want peace. Whether reality means rape, murder, losing a loved one, losing a job, whatever … those are just details. The point is … they *happened*, and cannot be undone. i.e. they are the reality NOW. One can do nothing to undo the past.
One can make a choice NOT to accept reality. And they will suffer as a result.
Think of anger and regret and hatred (due to the past) as a big bag or burden that a person carries around. It takes a toll on a person, and that toll is suffering.
But putting it out of your mind is one thing but one can not control their dreams. And dreams cause pain and even if you accept it you can’t let it go forever it will always creep back in
That’s a good point. Instead of constantly hitting the ‘repeat’ button, hit ‘delete’ instead.
What’s done is done, rehashing ancient injustices over and over again isn’t conducive to ‘moving forward’. The bell can’t be unrung after it’s been rung.
I hope I don’t make anybody angry by saying this, but I get the impression each person is interpreting the word accept in a slightly different way. For each person, their interpretation fits their answer.
That’s a good observation, mv, and that is def. the reason we’re getting into these small arguments. We need a standard definition of “acceptance” and that’s not going to materialize. Even if it does, I doubt there will be consensus … nor does there need to be 😉
But more than anything, if life has taught me anything, it’s that you CANNOT CONVINCE ANYONE OF ANYTHING, and the harder you try, the harder they will resist you. They have to see it for themselves.
You have to put your idea on a plate in front of others, and see if they take it. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t.
Plus, if we accept things as they are, and wish to see reality instead of our perception of reality, it doesn’t matter if we convince anybody of anything anyway.
In a past life, I wanted to be a fitness trainer and used to try to convince people that losing weight was incredibly easy. I was SO passionate about it that I would write people little crash courses in nutrition and exercise physiology, to convince them how they could work towards their weight loss.
I was a COMPLETE FAILURE 🙂 It was a humbling experience. I realized that I needed to learn a bit more about human psychology than any more exercise science 😀
The need to convince others of something is ultimately just an ego trap. The ego wants to feel like it has “won someone over”, that its opinion has been heard and accepted. P.O.I.N.T.L.E.S.S.
I hate it when I catch myself trying to convince somebody to agree with me, because I know I’m just doing it to boost my ego, even if subconsciously.
Although, I’ve noticed that refusing to take a side and remaining open-minded often makes people angrier than arguing with them. I guess maybe they find it insulting, like I’m dismissing them.
In the words of Eckhart Tolle, in response to your observation about refusing to take a side … “The ego’s worst enemy is a conscious presence devoid of ego.”
That explains it perfectly, actually ! The other person’s ego wants and expects you to be at the same unconscious level as him/her. It feels threatened by your calm demeanor because it doesn’t have an opponent (your ego) that will give it the attention it’s looking for.
Mark Twain had a great quote, it was something like ‘it’s easier to fool people than it is to convince people that they’ve been fooled”.
Once someone has adopted a belief or set of beliefs it’s nearly impossible to convince them they’re mistaken, despite any appeals to critical thought, logic, reason, or even contradicting evidence you may offer. People seem to hate admitting that they’re wrong.
Admitting you’re wrong is a huge (perceived) loss for the ego. It’s also a (very real) loss for the person as a whole, because real progress can only be made when mistakes made are acknowledged.
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” – My man, Einstein
I for one appreciate to read everyone’s views on this (even the pizza views haha)I just wanted to share my views as well hope I didn’t offend anyone 🙂 Not what I was trying to do
And really the deep intellectual responses and the pizza responses go together. Because I have to accept that the pizza guy is going to be late – again.
Haha that’s ok I’ve accepted that no man will ever be able to handle or want me so I’m with ya there. However I will never accept McDonalds forgetting my damn sweet and sour sauce like how am I supposed to eat my chicken nuggets?!
And, to answer your question, you eat the nuggets with buffalo sauce. And, if you don’t have buffalo sauce, you search for hot sauce. If no hot sauce, then ketchup. If no ketchup, they actually taste pretty damn good as is !
I feel that it’s blasphemy to eat them without sweet and sour! It’s why it was created… however buffalo is ok but I prefer that on my wings and chicken nuggets are no wings haha
I don’t know I’ve only been on this sight about a week but it’s actually helped me more than I could ever imagine. Using it as my own personal diary that’s public helps and people’s opinions and outlooks help too. So I do believe in some sorta hope weather it be the hope to continue or the hope that some day I’ll find peace in ending it. Idk just knowing I’m not entirely alone in what I feel is nice.
Yeah, that’s great that you found it helpful. It is nice to vent and journal here.
It is the ONLY site that I know of that tolerates pro-suicide talk. I’ve been on many other forums before and been kicked out for violating their “no suicide talk” rules.
Although I have many gripes about the design of the site, it is still unique in that way.
because psychology dictates that after throwing the dice and coming out unlucky in life or birth people are hard wired to have anxiety or depression or ADHD or OCD or MPD or whatever personal hell you happen to have the blessing of constantly enduring.
56 comments
Because we are not willing to accept the present moment unconditionally. We resist what already is and cannot be otherwise.
If this angers you, please don’t bother responding to me. I’ve got better things to do than argue with strangers on the internet, and I won’t be losing any sleep over your anger.
Accepting and liking the acceptance are two completely different things. I can accept my present situation does not mean I have to be happy about it hence why I am miserable. Make sense?
Sorry, friend, but true acceptance does not leave room for misery. I’m homeless, jobless, and broke … but peaceful.
True acceptance leaves peace in its wake. When there is resistance (“It shouldn’t be like this”), there is misery.
In other words, I disagree … accepting and liking the acceptance are NOT different. When you completely accept something, there is no resistance left. Otherwise, it’s not really acceptance.
I agree with Einsamkeit. If we accepted our current situation then we wouldn’t want to off ourselves.
Yes. Acceptance of the present moment is what TRUE spirituality is all about. There is NOTHING more essential to spirituality than acceptance of the present moment.
All that crap about homosexuality, abortion is evil, no premarital sex … is a bunch of made up BS that pretends to be “spirituality” or “religion”.
True spirituality is very simple and very practical. Accept what is … because, well.. it already is. Arguing against what already is …. is …. insane.
Hence, the state of the world.
So you are saying that you finally accept the death of a loved one and doing so you somehow like it because you accepted it? I accepted the fact that my wife and I are no longer together, that does not mean I magically feel better. I accept the fact she and I are not together but I am far from being happy about it.
I do not agree with your logic at all….no offense.
I hear you, pal. I never once mentioned “happiness”. I mentioned peace.
Happiness is superficial … it comes and goes, like clouds in the sky or waves on the surface of the ocean. Peace is something far deeper and more meaningful. It is the stability, the anchor in our lives.
No worries. It is not necessary for us to agree. The present moment is us disagreeing, and I accept it 😀
So, I’m not saying you need to “like” the loss of a loved one. You don’t like it, you are ok with it, because people die, forms come and go, that’s just the way it is.
Like implies a polarity – like/dislike. When you accept, you neither like nor dislike. You’re just ok with it. You’re aligned with it, because nothing you do will bring the person back.
Just to let you know I am not trying to start an argument or have an e-fight but looking to have a disagreeable but civil debate. I think you raise a good topic and would like to debate on it civilly i you would want too. Would somehow give a small break to suicide talk since I am chickening out again it seems.
I totally get it. We’re cool.
Civil debate is great. This is an important topic, after all. I’m all for it.
Good. We still disgrfee on that one part though. There are many things I have had to accept in my life but I do not like them. I have to accept my son being autistic and having issues and no I do not like it. Makes the word a bit darker for me for him.
Yup. It’s not important to me personally whether or not we agree. If it were, this debate would be meaningless … it would be an ego war. It’s not !
We agree that we disagree. And that’s cool. We all end up in the same place, regardless 😉
I deffo won’t accept the current moment unconditionally. Im sorry if ya homeless, jobless and broke. It sounds tough, but ya might have no idea what some of the people on here are going through mentally. Just cause ya homeless, jobless and broke doesn’t put you on the first rung of the ladder.
LOL. What you mentioned about me was a tiny tiny fraction of my story. Thanks for taking those few words and assuming you know everything about me.
Have a great night.
Because the pizza guy is always late.
You can’t change the weather. It doesn’t matter if you dislike the weather, or if you blame the weather for making you sad. The weather doesn’t care if you accept it or not; meteorological conditions won’t change to accommodate your refusal to accept reality.
Maybe it’s best to just accept the circumstances of a situation we have no control over.
I understand what you are saying but I am not wanting to change the weather and I know we cannot change the weather, we can accept the fact that we do not like the current weather regardless if we can change it or not.
I hated that Superstorm Sandy coming due to it knocking out power for a week and forced us into a hotel for a week that had the kids miserable. I accepted the hurricane was nasty and caused us to move and be in a situation, it did not mean that because I accepted it that it made the situation any easier or pleasurable or likeable. I hated every second of it.
Does hating a situation improve the situation? Does hate ever solve a problem?
Morris – That’s what I’m talking about ! Thank you !
I second the pizza being late problem.
And constantly coming home from the store without the one thing I went there to buy.
The food delivery person recently forgot the mini marshmallows on my ice cream :/
Morris the questions was not about can you improve the situation bey hating or not hating it. That is a different conversation. The question posed is why are so miserable. Does hating or liking a situation help it or not help it? Depends on the situation but it doesn’t change the fact that the situation is happening regardless if we like it or lot.
Ok, fair enough.
“Why are we so miserable”?
Because we find ourselves in an unpleasant situation and we see no way out. We’re trapped by circumstances beyond our control and there is no clear exit strategy.
Is that an acceptable answer? 🙂
You are basing your conclusion on the fact that we are all miserable for the same things. You also seem to be upset or not happy with the answers given and looking to argue your point home.
Sometimes we are in a situation that there might be no way out or the end result will run you to the point of death or exhaustion.
People handle pain, misery and frustration a bit different than you or I. A ton of people that I see are miserable are miserable at the fact that world is becoming a gigant ball of self endulging people who worry more about what is on their cell phone and the next snap chat or instragram or whatever it is than having a conversation.
We have some of the worst driving conditions out there with peope oblvious to what is going on, you got corporations going under but the big bosses keep their money I mean it is a gigantic snowball effect and there is no way to change it.
It is not getting any better that is why I hope my suicide ends all of that pain.
There are things that some people may never accept, nor should they have to, one should never have to accept they got raped. One should never have to accept the fact they were abused . They can try and get over such things (which is impossible) so they never fully have peace, said people will forever be affected by things of such horrible acts. I’m sure others have other horrible things that have happened to them. And those people feel the only way they will find peace is thru ending their life. Not being argumentative with this just showing you a different perspective of why “we” are so fucking miserable
You’re right. No one needs to accept anything. It is a conscious choice to be made.
One only needs to accept reality if they want peace. Whether reality means rape, murder, losing a loved one, losing a job, whatever … those are just details. The point is … they *happened*, and cannot be undone. i.e. they are the reality NOW. One can do nothing to undo the past.
One can make a choice NOT to accept reality. And they will suffer as a result.
Think of anger and regret and hatred (due to the past) as a big bag or burden that a person carries around. It takes a toll on a person, and that toll is suffering.
But putting it out of your mind is one thing but one can not control their dreams. And dreams cause pain and even if you accept it you can’t let it go forever it will always creep back in
That’s a good point. Instead of constantly hitting the ‘repeat’ button, hit ‘delete’ instead.
What’s done is done, rehashing ancient injustices over and over again isn’t conducive to ‘moving forward’. The bell can’t be unrung after it’s been rung.
Ja, richtig ! Danke, Morris !
I hope I don’t make anybody angry by saying this, but I get the impression each person is interpreting the word accept in a slightly different way. For each person, their interpretation fits their answer.
That’s a good observation, mv, and that is def. the reason we’re getting into these small arguments. We need a standard definition of “acceptance” and that’s not going to materialize. Even if it does, I doubt there will be consensus … nor does there need to be 😉
But more than anything, if life has taught me anything, it’s that you CANNOT CONVINCE ANYONE OF ANYTHING, and the harder you try, the harder they will resist you. They have to see it for themselves.
You have to put your idea on a plate in front of others, and see if they take it. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t.
Convincing never works 🙂
Plus, if we accept things as they are, and wish to see reality instead of our perception of reality, it doesn’t matter if we convince anybody of anything anyway.
Right, it doesn’t matter !
In a past life, I wanted to be a fitness trainer and used to try to convince people that losing weight was incredibly easy. I was SO passionate about it that I would write people little crash courses in nutrition and exercise physiology, to convince them how they could work towards their weight loss.
I was a COMPLETE FAILURE 🙂 It was a humbling experience. I realized that I needed to learn a bit more about human psychology than any more exercise science 😀
The need to convince others of something is ultimately just an ego trap. The ego wants to feel like it has “won someone over”, that its opinion has been heard and accepted. P.O.I.N.T.L.E.S.S.
I hate it when I catch myself trying to convince somebody to agree with me, because I know I’m just doing it to boost my ego, even if subconsciously.
Although, I’ve noticed that refusing to take a side and remaining open-minded often makes people angrier than arguing with them. I guess maybe they find it insulting, like I’m dismissing them.
I know exactly what you mean.
MV – You’re gonna love this.
In the words of Eckhart Tolle, in response to your observation about refusing to take a side … “The ego’s worst enemy is a conscious presence devoid of ego.”
That explains it perfectly, actually ! The other person’s ego wants and expects you to be at the same unconscious level as him/her. It feels threatened by your calm demeanor because it doesn’t have an opponent (your ego) that will give it the attention it’s looking for.
Mark Twain had a great quote, it was something like ‘it’s easier to fool people than it is to convince people that they’ve been fooled”.
Once someone has adopted a belief or set of beliefs it’s nearly impossible to convince them they’re mistaken, despite any appeals to critical thought, logic, reason, or even contradicting evidence you may offer. People seem to hate admitting that they’re wrong.
Yes, conditioning.
Admitting you’re wrong is a huge (perceived) loss for the ego. It’s also a (very real) loss for the person as a whole, because real progress can only be made when mistakes made are acknowledged.
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” – My man, Einstein
On a side note, Mr. darkness sure has a knack for starting popular threads 😉
I for one appreciate to read everyone’s views on this (even the pizza views haha)I just wanted to share my views as well hope I didn’t offend anyone 🙂 Not what I was trying to do
And really the deep intellectual responses and the pizza responses go together. Because I have to accept that the pizza guy is going to be late – again.
Along the same lines, the McDonalds where I used to live, couldn’t get an order right if you put a shotgun to the takeout person’s head.
So, after a while, I got accustomed to holding up the drive thru line by taking an extra minute to check:
– 2 McChickens ? Check
– 4 Sausage Burritos ? Check
– 2 Hash browns ? Check
– 4 Hot sauce packets ? No !!! They gave me 0 … again !!!
It was one of the harder things in life to accept. Accepting that I’ll never have a woman was quite a bit easier.
Haha that’s ok I’ve accepted that no man will ever be able to handle or want me so I’m with ya there. However I will never accept McDonalds forgetting my damn sweet and sour sauce like how am I supposed to eat my chicken nuggets?!
Awwww … hugs 🙂
Were you born in 85 ?
Yes I’m old
Well, seeing as I was born a bit before you, … you’re not THAT old 🙂
And, to answer your question, you eat the nuggets with buffalo sauce. And, if you don’t have buffalo sauce, you search for hot sauce. If no hot sauce, then ketchup. If no ketchup, they actually taste pretty damn good as is !
I’m actually shocked I made it to thirty let alone 31 we’ll see if 32 will make an appearance. Maybe life will get amazing? There’s hope right? 🙂
I feel that it’s blasphemy to eat them without sweet and sour! It’s why it was created… however buffalo is ok but I prefer that on my wings and chicken nuggets are no wings haha
I wonder if this user is still around on the site, but I saw a user with the name “hopeIsAFourLetterWord”
I don’t know I’ve only been on this sight about a week but it’s actually helped me more than I could ever imagine. Using it as my own personal diary that’s public helps and people’s opinions and outlooks help too. So I do believe in some sorta hope weather it be the hope to continue or the hope that some day I’ll find peace in ending it. Idk just knowing I’m not entirely alone in what I feel is nice.
Yeah, that’s great that you found it helpful. It is nice to vent and journal here.
It is the ONLY site that I know of that tolerates pro-suicide talk. I’ve been on many other forums before and been kicked out for violating their “no suicide talk” rules.
Although I have many gripes about the design of the site, it is still unique in that way.
because psychology dictates that after throwing the dice and coming out unlucky in life or birth people are hard wired to have anxiety or depression or ADHD or OCD or MPD or whatever personal hell you happen to have the blessing of constantly enduring.
In my case it’s because I’m not free, and all my attempts to escape were unsuccessful