University’s classes start tomorrow and I won’t go. If you don’t go for three days you automatically fail the courses. But I don’t care, it’s not my money, it was not my decision.
I’m tired of studying that shit. I hate that place. I’m just waiting for the gun to arrive so I can finally leave.
Hopefully it’ll arrive before they notice I’m not going (my “parents”)
I’m kind of scared, it’s the first time I won’t go to classes they’ve imposed me. I hope they won’t notice.
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If you are worried about being conspicuous would it perhaps be better to continue going to your lectures for the time being so as not to raise suspicion? Also can really just order a gun as you have done, are there no regulations? Maybe it’s been found in customs which is why you haven’t got it? Seriously though I wish you the best, I dont wish to encourage you nor discourage you only is there no other way? Can you not do something you love instead? Sorry I don’t mean to intrude, I am not judging either and I’m sorry you feel this way.
No, I can’t go, it makes me feel so sick and depressed and anxious because going there is a reminder that I’m a slave. And I didn’t order a gun, a guy from another city will come here and give it to me. I’m sorry but I’ve tried to escape, and it didn’t work, because as I said I’m just a slave. And I’m so tired, this body has worn off so fast in such short time, I barely have the strength to keep on living.
Thank you though, it’ll all end soon so I’m happy
Yeah, maybe you should go, to avoid suspicion until the thing arrived. I mean, it is easier to avoid being question why you missed class, from both Uni and your parents. You can just you know, space out the whole time in the class and probably no one would even notice.
I can’t, it’s a horrible experience for me. I spaced out all classes of last year but I can’t anymore. It’s so horrible, I feel out of place, wasting what little time I have left in doing things I hate, I hate that career and classes are so ‘personalised’ a teacher ALWAYS knows when you’re not interested and tries to make you say what’s bothering you in front of everyone. As if they could help, ha. It would only make things worse.
It’s safe to assume your decision isn’t solely due to your hatred for uni and I wouldn’t expect you to explain any more than you’d feel comfortable, or try to sway you.
However, that last bit… “I’m kind of scared, it’s the first time I won’t go to classes they’ve imposed me. I hope they won’t notice.” may show that you’re still invested here, living? I could be completely wrong and hope you’re not offended by this comment, but to be afraid of the repercussions of that when you’re potentially ending your own life in the near future, to still care what they’ll think of you skipping on some classes whilst you plan on skipping life, that translates to a strange kind of hope to me.
Good luck with everything either way, Kamidaka.
No, I’m not offended, but I’ll explain. If they do find out, they’ll inflict so much physical pain on me. I’m talking of real torture methods, because as I said, I’m like a modern slave. They would tie me up, make me starve, cut my skin, beat me with belts or similar things and of course rape me.
At least, that’s what always happened when I disobeyed an order.
Preserving my body intact for my death is what will make me so happy.
I’ve done everything they told me so I don’t have fresh scars anymore. It was a lot of hard work, I can’t fail now.
I was afraid of something like this but I didnt imagine to this extremity.
I am so fucking angry but more than anything I really hope you find peace if nothing else, whatever happens.
In regards to their punishment, do you mean all of that literally or figuratively? I ask because I can’t even fathom how anyone could impose that much pain and oppression on anyone, let alone their own child.
I cannot imagine the trauma caused, or the fear you would be living in. You have my deepest sympathies.
Rather than escaping through suicide, would it not be possible to try and escape your current situation with your “parents”, to give yourself a chance at life without their abuse? The world and the people within it can be cruel, but that is such an extreme, you do not have to be a slave. There could be hope for you outside of those circumstances if they’re that bad?
I’m worried he’s ripping you off.. You haven’t paid him yet have you? It’s such a shame. I’m sorry you feel there is no escape. I’m also worried that you’ll get caught and be punished by whatever means for not going to your classes. Wishing you the best of luck, I will be thinking of you.
No, I haven’t, but he told me he’s taking some time because he’s attending to some businesses. Yeah, I’m kind of scared, but I have a plan, I’ll do my best so they don’t notice. And thank you, really. Thank you for reading and commenting, it makes me feel so much better.
To Forest.of.Lonely.Trees: I meant all of that literally, they’ve done it several times in the past. And thank you so much <3
I tried to escape, but these are really powerful people. They found me and broke both my legs when I was handled back to them. They have money, power and know the right people. If I escape they would always find me, that's why death is the only way out.
I can't call the police as several others suggested. I tried and I also got evidence of all the abuse. They paid money to the police, authorities and doctors and all evidence vanished. And I was back with them.
I'm sorry.
To missingLink: I'm sorry, but thank you so much for reading everything 🙁 I hope you have a good day
Kamikada, I’ve only just seen a message you left me on a previous post and I have responded to it just now though I don’t suppose it will make much difference after reading your last comment on this one. Don’t you be sorry for anything. You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m just speechless I wish there could be some way of helping you. My heart goes out to you. It really does. Please find peace. I feel so pathetic, this is so insignificant, I am so sorry.
Now it’s my turn to tell you don’t be sorry. And no, it’s not useless! You are helping me in ways you can’t even imagine! To talk to somebody, for someone to know the truth, someone worrying about me. I’m so thankful for what you’re doing, really. Thank you so much <3
But I must go to sleep now (not dead! regular sleep as in: it's 2:30 a.m. lol) take care, I'll do it, and I'll play the perfect act to deceive my "parents" don't worry! Everything will be fine c:
My eyes are tearing up as I read about the punishment you have been subjected to. Jesus Christ.
I wish I could be your older brother who would protect you … someone you can lean on … even take the physical punishment on your behalf … I can take a lot of physical pain, and I would do it if it meant that you could escape from those evil people. But then it hits me … I’m far far away from you, and I don’t know how much longer I’ll be on this site, either.
You NEED to find a way away from those barbarians. This is deadly serious. Find a way to get out of the fucking country if you have to.
Sálvate a ti mismo si puedes, por favor.