Well I’m counting this…. This was written pre quickly and I had a shitty day today, but my friend came over which was good I kind of asked if he would as I was pre sure I was going to cut myself…. -_- I don’t really like this, but it may be okay I guess if I’m going for 100 per year I have to count everything right? at least it will help…. Guess it’s practice….
I watch life through these misty eyes
I blinked once but I missed it twice
Iām crying I need advice
That is what I realize
Nightly I initialize
Self-inflicted lacerations
Always losing hesitation
More and more until migration
Brought them from my arms
To my body, raised alarm
Then cutting lost its charm
I should do something that seems a bit bouncier and happier…. maybe I will…. I had a good time with my friend too, now I don’t at all worry about what I will do to myself tonight ^_^ for some reason I argued with myself about what Initialize means, but I was right it is to start something or some shit like that…. I should know this I use this word a lot at school -_- it works shut up, it seems a bit weak though and I don’t like it, oh well it’s staying -_-
^_^ :/ I don’t know how to feel right now -_- š
I hope that all of you are having a good day
8 comments
Children die first
reciprocating fist
don’t be a martyr
you’ll regret the thirst
thirsty are the blind
blind are the rich
thirsty are the blind
you’ll regret the thirst
don’t be a martyr
reciprocating fist
children die first
children die first
Like my poem?
of course I like it ^_^ it’s nice š
How so? How do I know it doesn’t just suck…?
Can you tell what it’s about??
interpretation is something I’m rather horrible at, mostly because I don’t really understand emotions or really anything like that -_- Well my best stab at what this is trying to describe is the hopeless nature of life, I’m assuming that it states that one’s innocence is lost early as a response to the horrors that we experience, stating that people who wish to change this fact are ignorant (maybe you’re going for foolishly optimistic) and will only come out worse from it….
I’m hoping I’m close to what you intended this sort of thing isn’t exactly my strongest suit and I hate trying to tell people what they were intending as it could be rude if I interpret it wrong and I hate being rude -_-
and I like it, as it feels interesting on my tongue. (I’m a huge tongue feel sort of guy…. is why I actually read things like this using it…. things meant to be enjoyable are better with tongue feel) and it’s also inside out, which is cool…. (there’s probably a better way (and proper way) to describe that, but that’s how I describe it)
Shatter, hope my tweeks are ok. I don’t normally do this to others work but you said you didn’t like your first version. (I write like that all the time and come back several times making tweets until I like it) I thought for a first quick write it was really good. Hope you like the changes to tempo and tense I made.
Watching life through misty eyes
Blinking once but missing twice
crying inside,…needing advice
This is what I realize,….
Nightly I initialize
Self-inflicted lacerations
Always losing hesitation
More and more until condemnation,…..
Brought them from arms
To body, raising alarms
Until cutting loses all charm.
the tenses were a bit intentional on my part, I liked swapping between the no idea why…. This feels a lot better is some places very much so I like some places a lot better. I kind of think that this concept that I wrote is a bit hopeless -_- But good job. overall I do think it’s a lot better ^_^
oh yes, also thanks much on the feedback, I should really note that I should try to keep a consistent tense when I write, I rarely ever do that -_-