they say im a dreamer

ever since we were young, they always told us we could be anything. we could be an astronaut, or the president, or an artist- whatever we could think of, we could be. because they always told us “skys the limit” or “if you can dream it, you can do it”. but the thing they never told us, were the curveballs life would throw at us. the things that would hinder us incapable of achieving that dream. they never told us how shitty growing up was.
and yet, here i am. just on the cusp of graduating high school, trying to make it through so i can accomplish my very own dreams. but yet, i dont know if i really believe the fact that dreams come true. i dont know if I believe the whole “you can do anything” bullshit. I mean why would I?
I wish they told us from an early age that not everyone has bright futures and happy endings. Some of us have the opposite. I wish I knew that I would be one of those people.
Some who don’t really know me, might call me dreamer. some might say I have this bright future and will go far in life. But they don’t really know whats going on in my head, they don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.
They might not be wrong about me being a dreamer, because I have these bright an bold and vivid dreams that I only wish I could accomplish. But the more I think about them, the more I realize they wont happen. As my future grows larger, the more my will to live shrinks.
I mean how can someone like me possibly accomplish anything worth while. I watch my friends become more and more successful, and yet, I feel like ive been left in the dust. I watch my friends accomplish their dreams, but yet im still here struggling to even do half of what they can. This is where I realize having dreams are just some irrational idea that we all have to give our life a purpose. But what happens when your realize your dreams wont come true? What happens when your realize youll never accomplish great things like those around you? I guess that’s when you become like me, and realize that you really, truly, have no purpose anymore.
Dreams are such an irrational concept. Thyere things that set people like myself up to failure. I mean whats the point anymore honestly? What the fuck is still keeping me here anyway?
I guess it’s the hope maybe one day ill be better. That I wont cry in the shower anymore where no one can hear me. That men will see me as so much more than a body. That people will see me as person and not just some invisible freak. That maybe one day it will all get better. But as I said, dreams are some irrational justification for life, so why am i even still clinging to this thread of hope when all i see is darkness