So, I did it again. I once again tried to kill myself. Lol, this is the 2nd time this week, and the 3rd in the last 2 months.
This time I tried to choke myself (of course not with my own hands lol). To tell the truth it really hurt, my head felt like it was gonna explode, I coud not hear anything, and my sight was really hazy. I also have red marks on my face now (I think that they’re called petechiae). does anyone know how long it will take for these marks to go away?
Well, I really am a loser though. lol I mean, I have done 3 suicide attempts, and failed all of them.
Sigh
I hope that my next one will not fail, but I don’t know what strategy I will use for my next attempt. I also don’t know when I’ll do my next suicide attempt.. It may be tomorrow, next week, next month,..
3 comments
Please dont do it. I know that i have no right to comment on your choice as i have no idea of how harsh your life is but all i can say is that what you are doing is probably going to see yourself in a worse condition than now. You say you tried to choke yourself. Did it ever occur to you that you could damage your spinal cord and end up permanently in a semi vegetative state. You could think…..all the mental torment but could not make any further attempts at your life. Its worse than what you are going through now. Please whoever you are please hang on and seek help. Please! Take care!
My life isn’t that bad compared to other people thier lives.
That makes me even a bigger loser. lol
Well, no I didn’t consider that.
Lol, I’ve already tried to seek help. But the psychologist can only start helping me in June, this is because they’re so busy.
Well, personally I don’t mind. I mean if that will save other people than I don’t mind getting help so late.
But it may be too late by that time.
Thanks for reading though.
Greets Kur0-Nek0
I am someone who recently spent time researching for a sure and least painful way out myself and Black Monk touches on a very important point that you better think and research more on.
Depriving yourself of air in an attempt to die but are not successful may leave you instead with brain damage, and that was what scared me away from methods like that; hanging, carbon monoxide from an indoor grill and an exit bag, which were my top 3 choices. That sparked the same lack of interest I had over other methods like an overdose of pills, which was getting close to the edge and either having demons in my head tormenting me the rest the way or worse; being saved late in the attempt or the method not working well enough where I might end up in some vegetative state where my mind is now trapped in a world where a horrible torment might become the daily norm. That could be much worse than the state of mind I was in before I ever made the attempt, except there is now zero chance of escape where there was some before, no matter how small. Being too afraid of using a gun, a bridge, or jumping into traffic led me to these easier methods but they all carry at least a small chance of survival and so the thought of being in a wheelchair, disfigured, shunned by society, seemed an even worse life.
I’ve felt like ending it all 3 times over the course of my life but each time it gets down to the wire something happens, someone steps in to help I hadn’t expected, even a few words by a store clerk have snapped me out of it, so hold on and watch for these things as surely I do not have the copyright to be so special over others that it only happens for me. I have no close friends nor family who gives a hoot about me and my circle of friends are pretty much all from my Facebook page from the last 2 years so I feel confident to say if you express your desire for help that there stands a good chance someone is out there who felt like you at one point and can help you break the heavy burden into more manageable chunks that you can begin to chip away at, which is what I am doing right now, instead of spending any more time Googling other ways to off myself.