Unhappy Happiness

Truth be told I’ve been avoiding this place. After my string of psychotic ramblings, I honestly wanted to stay away from this place believing that I was being too dependent on outlets to ***** about my problems. It sort of makes sense in my head. But then I had this idea and I guess I just wanted to write it down. For prosperity. Does anyone ever try to take enjoyment out of their own misery? Happiness from the fact that you are unhappy. Theirs this sick sort of satisfaction when every terrible thought in your head is confirmed. When you think of the worse possible scenario and it plays out the way you thought of, it makes you feel a little sane. Like you finally figured out how it all works. People like us were made to be miserable. That little mental victory you had over yourself fills you with this sort of unhappy happiness. Lets the hope die. That way you can’t be optimistic and feel shitty when the bad stuff does happen. I get how this is like a self fulfilling prophecy sort of thing, but I still can’t help but smile when everything goes wrong. It also kind of trains you to stop caring. All the stresses of life just melt away when you accept that everything is shit. Why worry about something so trivial when it’s all bullshit. Maybe I’m just crazy. Loony. Mad. Psychotic. Oh well. It’s kind of funny being like this. Makes you see the world in a better light when it’s all gray.