So, I started seeing a new counselor last week. Did the usual with downplaying my suicidal thoughts. But that’s not what I’m posting about. Things have gotten, well, a little weird. I’m sort of in a quandary now. I’m getting a bit of a (bleak) laugh from the situation, and I thought some of you might be amused in the same spirit.
Anyway: I find my new counselor really attractive. Nothing terribly unusual there. I know that counseling isn’t “the dating game,” and usually I’d be able to look past it. But if you find someone attractive, it’s always there in the back of your mind. Or at least, that’s how it works for me.
What’s more: Her attire is…IMO…a bit unprofessional. Low-cut tops, sort of short skirts, and flip-flops. Again, that usually wouldn’t be a huge deal. It’s just hard to ignore.
Annnnnnd, I have a major foot fetish. I hope you don’t think that’s too gross. It’s just the way I am. If I see a woman with totally bare feet, that’s really sexy for me, especially if she props her feet up and wiggles her toes. Seriously, for me that’s like she’s dancing around topless. I always try hard not to stare whenever I see that, but it’s a huge turn-on for me.
You can guess where this is going. Last week, I asked if I could take my shoes off. She said “Sure, no problem.” Five minutes later, she kicked off her own shoes and was barefoot for the rest of the session. I, erm, honestly, really enjoyed it. At the same time, I had to try desperately not to glance at her feet too often. I stammered, I stuttered, it was hard to concentrate on what I was trying to say, but I have to admit the whole thing was more a positive than a negative for me. (I did always get out what I was trying to say, eventually.)
So: In our session earlier today, I went for a repeat. I took my own shoes off, hoping she’d “mirror” me again. And she did…except she promptly hid her feet under a blanket, and kept them there for the rest of the session. It wasn’t especially cold in the office, either. Now I’m worried that she noticed me staring and got creeped out. I’m afraid to say anything, because that might make things even more creepy. What to do, what to do? When I’m worried about something like THAT, it makes it even harder to discuss my own issues. Like I say, this is a ludicrous problem to have with your counselor. But it’s what happened….
7 comments
I don’t think you should say anything. Every counselor is different, but if she’s a good one she has already figured out that you were fixated on her feet. Thus, when you tried it again, she followed suit to make you more comfortable. However, she hid her feet so that you wouldn’t be distracted. I think you should just try to focus on discussing your issues, and push the other things out of your mind. Let her worry about the dynamics of the counseling relationship. She’s the expert after all. O and I can assure you that many counselors have dealt with things far more “creepy” than a person with a foot fetish. That’s actually quite vanilla.
^^^ Exactly.
Oh, foot fetishes aren’t creepy in themselves. But if you suspect someone is indulging in a foot fetish in a professional environment, and you’re afraid to say anything because you’re not entirely sure what’s going on, that feels a little creepy to me.
Foot fetishes are fine. Ankle fetishes are Satan’s Sideshow, though.
Even good therapists are not mind readers. She is there to understand all of you, not only your depression. Tell her you like feet. Tell her you like seeing hers. Tell her that you thought it could get in the way of therapy. Once it’s out in the open talk about it honestly. Have a discussion about it.
Never, never, never, ever, hide anything from your therapist. I makes no logical sense. It’s like being physically sick, going to the doctor, and telling them that they can only examine body parts that begin with the letters r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, and z.
We men are visual creatures and she is probably well aware it. I am in the leave-the-matter-alone camp if you can handle that. But either way I hope you will give us an update.
You can’t be the only patient who finds their therapist attractive. By the way, the reverse is often true too and I am certain those therapists keep this to themselves.
Really, I have no idea if she noticed, and that’s part of what’s bothering me. I mean, like I said, I had a hard time talking. But that tends to happen to me anyway. (I’m mildly autistic, FWIW.) I guess I’ll follow the “leave it alone” path for now.
A therapist actually did tell me once “you’re a very attractive person”…it was flattering, but it did feel a little “off.”
Works both ways ion this case. Good luck to both of you in keeping the priority on healing.