The thing is, I nitpick too. Nitpicking my own mistakes, because it bothers me that I didn’t do better. I will continue making mistakes because trying doesn’t suffice.
It’s like horse jumping (I imagine). You want to challenge yourself and the horse to jump higher or further or through rings of fire or whatever. But you also want the horse to keep wanting to do it.
Because no matter what you do, no matter what pains or sacrifces you undertake for yourself or the ones you love, it will sometimes never be enough.
Someone will have a problem with you cause they had a bad day. Someone will have a problem with you because they are just a prick. Sometimes, someone will have a problem with you just because they don’t like you, or indeed like themselves.
If you think you did what was ‘right’, and i mean genuinely believe it, then that should suffice.
I wouldn’t beat yourself up over other peoples criticisms.
But then again, i am a hypocrite who can’t even take his own advice, and beats himself up over mistakes he believed he never made in the 1st place.
Such is bloody life.
I did what I hoped was right, but I couldn’t know for certain that it actually was. That’s what bothers me, I sit down, try to figure out the best option I have, and then there’s still plenty of times where I decide wrong. I *try* to do what’s right, but I am freaking fallible, and therefore end up making mistakes. Sometimes I don’t even realize that I am doing something wrong, until it’s already too late.
Isn’t that what most people (with good intentions) do anyway? what they hope is right?
That’s what counts the most in my book. Yeah, the wrong result may have occured, but you went in with noble intentions.
Weeks / Months / Years from now, you may not even feel the same about how you went about it. I guess life has a way of teaching us other perspectives. Like when the shoes on the other foot and you are the one who is in a similar position to whom ‘past you’ gave advice to.
Sorry, does that make sense?
In my head it does, but when i write it down it seems a bit incoherent.
I am not sure I understand that second part, sorry! Can you elaborate?
I do try to judge other people not by whether they succeeded or not, but by their intentions, the same way you do. But the thing is that I have to bear the consequences of making my own mistakes, and I can’t just remind myself of my intentions to make those consequences go away.
I don’t even know how much or little control I had over my mistakes. Could I have avoided them if I had taken even more time to think about my options, if I had had even better intentions, if I had or had not listened to what others had to say about it? I don’t now if I should be angry with myself for failing or angry with the world for making this life so hard.
Fucking hell clair, i read what i have written and can’t understand the bloody thing myself!
What i (think) im trying to say is this:
You gave advice to a friend knowing what you have learned in life so far. Later down the line, you are in the same position as the person that you once gave advice to. Then someone who is like the current version of yourself gives you advice in exactly the same way you did.
Your perspectives have changed, but you can appreciate what they are trying to say, as you once thought the same way.
I’m gonna read this later and probably be even more confused than i am currently. Triggering a wave of self doubt that will last a lifetime. sorry lol
> i read what i have written and can’t understand the bloody thing myself!
Every programmer’s life ever haha
Could I rephrase it like this: I look at my past self and appreciate the way I used to think, even though it was faulty and led to mistakes; my future self will look at my current self and appreciate the way I think right now, even though it is probably faulty and will lead to new mistakes.
The only problem is that I don’t appreciate the way I used to think, or at least those parts that led to my mistakes. I wish I could’ve understood things better to be able to make the right decisions. But I didn’t.
clair
I am probably the worst person to give advice on any subject really. I’m such a ‘fence sitter’ and anyone with the confidence to counteract an argument i make, well i can change my mind pretty quick. I think this video sums me up nicely:
youtube.com/watch?v=KRPcssq-7Us
Oh, don’t be too hard on yourself. I found your comment to be a very genuine and thought-out response and I really appreciate the time you took to reply and engage in a conversation with me. To be honest, my question was kind of stupid anyway, and probably more of an outcry over the tragedy that this world puts us in.
Thankyou Clair.
I do try my best when engaging with people, but by god my brain goes in so many directions at once at times.
You know how, when your writing something down and someone speaks to you? Then you write down keywords that they are talking to you about? Fucking hell, my text messages look bizzare at times.
Well my brain does that without the outside input.
I don’t think your question was stupid Clair.
It feels like ‘trying’ doesn’t exist to most people. You either ‘do it properly’ or you don’t do it at all. I nit pick myself as well. Not all the time but its hard to not nit pick myself.
Hence I don’t like doing things for people (because its not good enough in their eyes) then there’s the people who end up being used because others just come to them because they want something.
I honestly think even if people see that you are trying they take pleasure in trying to rip you to shreds anyway
Yeah, ripping to shreds when something went wrong seems to be a hobby that quite a lot of people like to pursue nowadays. It baffles be, because there’s no doubt that they’ve been in similar situations where they failed despite giving their best, and where people then get pissed over that. Empathetic people would take that as a lesson not to lash out at others the same way and to be more forgiving of mistakes, but everyone else just see how they were mistreated and take that as motivation to treat others just as badly.
Hindsight isn’t 20/20, no matter what anyone tells you. Memory changes shades based on how you’re feeling when you recall it. Memories are the eternal whores of the mind. From one angle, something might seem like a mistake, while from another angle, it might seem to have benefited you, taught you something, or made you grow as a person. The only mistake would be to not accept the fractal nature of it all.
That kind of is my problem. I can try to do what I won’t regret in the future, but there are always factors that are (mostly) out of my control, like for example my memory being flawed and not letting me base my decisions on how things actually played out.
20 comments
I wish it did suffice because I think that’s all that matters. Annoying how people get nit picked for everything
The thing is, I nitpick too. Nitpicking my own mistakes, because it bothers me that I didn’t do better. I will continue making mistakes because trying doesn’t suffice.
It’s like horse jumping (I imagine). You want to challenge yourself and the horse to jump higher or further or through rings of fire or whatever. But you also want the horse to keep wanting to do it.
Because no matter what you do, no matter what pains or sacrifces you undertake for yourself or the ones you love, it will sometimes never be enough.
Someone will have a problem with you cause they had a bad day. Someone will have a problem with you because they are just a prick. Sometimes, someone will have a problem with you just because they don’t like you, or indeed like themselves.
If you think you did what was ‘right’, and i mean genuinely believe it, then that should suffice.
I wouldn’t beat yourself up over other peoples criticisms.
But then again, i am a hypocrite who can’t even take his own advice, and beats himself up over mistakes he believed he never made in the 1st place.
Such is bloody life.
Best advice ^
dmdd Thankyou.
Btw, your screen name in a nutshell, describes 100% my current thoughts on where i am in this journey. Dark frickin days indeed.
I did what I hoped was right, but I couldn’t know for certain that it actually was. That’s what bothers me, I sit down, try to figure out the best option I have, and then there’s still plenty of times where I decide wrong. I *try* to do what’s right, but I am freaking fallible, and therefore end up making mistakes. Sometimes I don’t even realize that I am doing something wrong, until it’s already too late.
It just sucks that human life has to be this way.
Isn’t that what most people (with good intentions) do anyway? what they hope is right?
That’s what counts the most in my book. Yeah, the wrong result may have occured, but you went in with noble intentions.
Weeks / Months / Years from now, you may not even feel the same about how you went about it. I guess life has a way of teaching us other perspectives. Like when the shoes on the other foot and you are the one who is in a similar position to whom ‘past you’ gave advice to.
Sorry, does that make sense?
In my head it does, but when i write it down it seems a bit incoherent.
I am not sure I understand that second part, sorry! Can you elaborate?
I do try to judge other people not by whether they succeeded or not, but by their intentions, the same way you do. But the thing is that I have to bear the consequences of making my own mistakes, and I can’t just remind myself of my intentions to make those consequences go away.
I don’t even know how much or little control I had over my mistakes. Could I have avoided them if I had taken even more time to think about my options, if I had had even better intentions, if I had or had not listened to what others had to say about it? I don’t now if I should be angry with myself for failing or angry with the world for making this life so hard.
Fucking hell clair, i read what i have written and can’t understand the bloody thing myself!
What i (think) im trying to say is this:
You gave advice to a friend knowing what you have learned in life so far. Later down the line, you are in the same position as the person that you once gave advice to. Then someone who is like the current version of yourself gives you advice in exactly the same way you did.
Your perspectives have changed, but you can appreciate what they are trying to say, as you once thought the same way.
I’m gonna read this later and probably be even more confused than i am currently. Triggering a wave of self doubt that will last a lifetime. sorry lol
> i read what i have written and can’t understand the bloody thing myself!
Every programmer’s life ever haha
Could I rephrase it like this: I look at my past self and appreciate the way I used to think, even though it was faulty and led to mistakes; my future self will look at my current self and appreciate the way I think right now, even though it is probably faulty and will lead to new mistakes.
The only problem is that I don’t appreciate the way I used to think, or at least those parts that led to my mistakes. I wish I could’ve understood things better to be able to make the right decisions. But I didn’t.
clair
I am probably the worst person to give advice on any subject really. I’m such a ‘fence sitter’ and anyone with the confidence to counteract an argument i make, well i can change my mind pretty quick. I think this video sums me up nicely:
youtube.com/watch?v=KRPcssq-7Us
Oh, don’t be too hard on yourself. I found your comment to be a very genuine and thought-out response and I really appreciate the time you took to reply and engage in a conversation with me. To be honest, my question was kind of stupid anyway, and probably more of an outcry over the tragedy that this world puts us in.
Thankyou Clair.
I do try my best when engaging with people, but by god my brain goes in so many directions at once at times.
You know how, when your writing something down and someone speaks to you? Then you write down keywords that they are talking to you about? Fucking hell, my text messages look bizzare at times.
Well my brain does that without the outside input.
I don’t think your question was stupid Clair.
^ this
It feels like ‘trying’ doesn’t exist to most people. You either ‘do it properly’ or you don’t do it at all. I nit pick myself as well. Not all the time but its hard to not nit pick myself.
Hence I don’t like doing things for people (because its not good enough in their eyes) then there’s the people who end up being used because others just come to them because they want something.
I honestly think even if people see that you are trying they take pleasure in trying to rip you to shreds anyway
I think I went off on a tangent…
Yeah, ripping to shreds when something went wrong seems to be a hobby that quite a lot of people like to pursue nowadays. It baffles be, because there’s no doubt that they’ve been in similar situations where they failed despite giving their best, and where people then get pissed over that. Empathetic people would take that as a lesson not to lash out at others the same way and to be more forgiving of mistakes, but everyone else just see how they were mistreated and take that as motivation to treat others just as badly.
What’s right?
Hindsight isn’t 20/20, no matter what anyone tells you. Memory changes shades based on how you’re feeling when you recall it. Memories are the eternal whores of the mind. From one angle, something might seem like a mistake, while from another angle, it might seem to have benefited you, taught you something, or made you grow as a person. The only mistake would be to not accept the fractal nature of it all.
That kind of is my problem. I can try to do what I won’t regret in the future, but there are always factors that are (mostly) out of my control, like for example my memory being flawed and not letting me base my decisions on how things actually played out.