Relative contentment

I don’t want to say goodbye. I want to reach out to others and remember where I came from. If I don’t do that then I feel like I’d be just as bad as those who didn’t help me.

I’ve been depressed for 7-8 years. That’s off and on. I know people who have had it worse. This last episode lasted almost a year. That’s about 7 months falling into a hole, and 6 months currently climbing back out.

The last few weeks have brought many changes. I finally got a good therapist. I have returned to church. I’m starting to do things I enjoy again. The stretch of darkness makes me distrust the relative light of a new day. Yet the sun rises and so do I.

There is no way out but through for me. I haven’t found where I belong in the long term, but I have things to hope for. Children represent quite a bit of hope for me. It also seems that certain people want me around for a bit longer. I can make people laugh, what else can I ask for? I’m also enjoying seeing certain people who hurt me finally receive back the karmic revenge they brought on themselves. The funny part is I had let go and forgiven as best as I could. That doesn’t diminish the joy of seeing those people get what they have coming. The joy is more sweet knowing that I did not do anything to return their hate. I licked my wounds and I’m getting better.

The world may not be a friendly place. I just know I can make my personal universe a pleasant one.

I just wanted to share that better is possible. It was also important to me to explain why I am here less.