We spend 100% of the time being us, being with ourselves. We should theoretically be our own “BFF” if you will, but instead, we are our own worst enemies. We tell ourselves we’re failures, good for nothing, useless, fat, ugly, lazy, hopeless, that our lives are over, etc. Our minds’ mouth is the harshest person to us.
We do ourselves in. We eat too much, drink too much to numb the pain, cut ourselves, cut ourselves away from humans and hibernate, and do a whole bunch of other self-destructive behaviors.
We know this isn’t good. We know it’s bad to do these things (or procrastinate and not do things). But we do it anyway.
8 comments
indeed.
I know part of my problem, was probably due to ‘Learned helplessness’. Negative reinforcement from my peers and ‘family’ made me believe that i am who they say i am.
Years of that brainwashing cannot be undone. Rather, i don’t want to open old wounds. I’ve dealt with that in my own way. Even if was the ‘incorrect’ way as the psychoprophets proclaim.
I understand that’s partly the reason i’m so fucked up, but not all.
Besides, i’m kinda comfortable now sitting alone, chain smoking, using non prescribed medication and (to quote American Beauty) ‘fantasizing about a life, that doesn’t so closely resemble hell’
I had dealt with it my own way too; I just stuffed everything deep, deep down, and buried it.
But unfortunately, it has been forcefully dug up and ripped open, and now I can’t stuff the monster back in. What does one do now??
I was cool, calm, collected, albeit repressed. But totally functional. And an achiever. But now, now that the dark emotions have been ripped open, I’m an emotional wreck. I’m like a wet puddle on the floor these days (years). Leaves me pondering, wtf should I do now?
eternal
you know i can’t answer that one mate. (although i would love to with all my heart)
My ideas of dealing with the pain are fucked up (mainly drugs) I used them to stop what has happened to you.
‘ forcefully dug up and ripped open’
Whenever that feeling began and people got too close to doing that to me…it was cut you off time. Goodbye before that happened. If that happened to me now mate, i would be an emotional wreck. I can’t take emotional pain li!e that. Just an inkling of it physically fucking hurts. I’ve protected myself that way , for that long , i don’t even know..no..i wouldn’t even dare to try anything different.
Anything i say advice wise would sound trite eternal and you would hate me for even daring to say it to you.
I wish i had the manual for life. I’d go through the trauma section like a lawyer and find an answer for you mate…i really would. <3
Yeah, I did always cut people off, the moment they got close. But the last time, I fell in love -_-‘. But I didn’t know it then, had only wanted to not feel emotions and pain, so I pushed him away like everyone else before him. But this one I actually really cared about. He had already started the process, of digging up my emotions, so I couldn’t stop. Actually, it got worse after I left him. The emotions grew stronger, damnit. I can’t blame the guy cuz he’s a good guy. I can only blame myself for being an emotional mess. And for choosing the wrong option.
And now that the emotions are out, it’s affecting every aspect of my life (or lack thereof at this point). I wish I wasn’t such an emotional wreck. I want to be logical and emotionless like Dr. Spock again. I was so productive and achieved a lot being this way. Damn this thing called emotions!!
Manual for life? lol, only the sick puppies like us on SP did not get that manual downloaded into our brains like everyone else who’s normal and living a happy enough life.
Yh that’s true regarding the manual.
God I feel like Dr Evil at time “need the info”
God i’m fucking clueless on this one eternal. You know what route i’d go (kill it with fire) i guess that’s why rebounds happen a lot. Everyone has their own way of ‘coping’ well, distracting i guess. Fuck, i keep deleting sentences i have written…Thinking “that is bollocks mm”.
Fuck knows eternal…i choose option 1: Kill it with fire.
That’s the best i got tonight, i’m sorry.
That’s ok. None of us here have any “solutions.” If we did, we wouldn’t be here, right?
Hating myself is my favorite hobby.
We can’t be BFF’s with ourselves because some of us don’t care about our own validation it’s from others and also the fact that we’re not the person we thought we were and realize we probably will never will be so what’s the fucking point.