My name is Bryan, 28 years old. I really thought happiness and life was real. Connections, friends, and family were real. I mean yea movies are one thing but, I could have sworn I have seen happy couples, family, and friends in real life. I guess that is not me. I have an alcohol addiction I have gone to rehab multiple times. I have been in and out of mental institutions and hospitals for my multiple attempts of suicide in which my last one was a year ago by literally sticking a knife though my throat. I ended up in the hospital for almost a month. I thought I found love after that but again it was fake and she broke it off with me. I know people don’t want to read a book so ill keep it short. Honestly all I wanted in life was communication. I’m a Libra, as the horoscope says, “A Social Butterfly” seems like that’s not the case for my family, my well half of one friend who doesn’t want to talk to me much. Seems like that is not the case for anyone I meet in my life. So just for once all I want is communication. Someone to talk to. To be honest with how I feel without judgement.
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Hi Bryan. I am also a Libra, but I definitely don’t feel “social butterfly” fits me well :/
I’ve been isolating myself lately which could be a good or a bad idea, but honestly none of my “friends” have really noticed or reached out. Maybe we’re finding them in the wrong places? I don’t really feel like communicating with anyone in my personal life right now, because I feel like they won’t get me. I put on such an act , that it’s just exhausting and it’s easier to be alone and talk to people and vent on this site. By the way, I think a lot of people on this site are judgement free.
Also, don’t worry about the length of your posts. People will still read it. Say what you have to say. Thank you for sharing your story. You’ve been through a lot and that you’re here right now shows how strong you are. I hope you find a reason to stay around. I know someone out there feels the same.
The problem is I have a lot building up (reasons to not live>reason to live) Probably a ratio of 50:2. Not looking good.
What are the two reasons to live? If you don’t mind me asking
There are a few good ppl here… Who read everything to the end and will give you good words in return… Then there are the a**holes. Lol.
If you want someone to talk to and listen… You can hmu sistermetalx @ Gmail any time. I’m an Aries… Lol I’m made of fire and I’m a ram in life when ppl are negative in my presence.
I mean, I know its wrong but I do fantasize a lot. I fantasize of a Live Facebook Suicide. I mean obviously it would never get out but I have seen Live Leaks of people shooting themselves. I almost just want to give some of the people that I have know a quick preview of what i have been dealing with in my head for over 20 years, and maybe they will have a different outlook when someone is trying to reach out but not heard. I mean I would like to help one person in life with my suicide.
Maybe there’s another way you could get that message across :/
Someone murdered a guy on Facebook Live in Ohio then came here to Pennsylvania and shot himself right down the street from my dwelling.
I’ve constantly begged for help but I always get my hand slapped away. I went to the psych ward and my family said I’m a mistake in life.
Your suicide won’t make ppl happier.
And someone out there would be completely crushed if you did so.
Hey Bryan, relating to you on so many levels. You are not alone. This mess I call myself, Mikaela is here with you. I’ve been praying for the guts to end it more than ever lately but I just can’t. I crave connection also… misery loves company I suppose? *Hugs*