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Useless

by StrangerDanger

That describes my life(if it can be called that)right now. I think Im having a total breakdown. I live with my older brother and cant find a job. We have to vacate the house in 3 days. The couple of stray cats that gave me comfort day to day will probably be put down. And I cant do shit. Thought I had a rental lined up and it was a scam.  I just want to die so fucking bad but fear and guilt is the only thing keeping me alive. But what kind of life is that? I just wish God would get me off this dead end road with a bolt of lightning

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6 comments

WhySkyEnd 7/27/2017 - 5:11 pm

I feel you, the sense of hopelessness, of uselessness, of worthlessness, it’s all I feel anymore as each day passes, I wonder when I’ll be blessed with the sweet bliss of death. I also stay alive mostly by guilt but a little fear as well. Guilt from what will happen to my family if I go knowing I will ruin their lives. Fear about what will happen if I fail. I understand your pain and I know how difficult it is to keep going.

StrangerDanger 7/28/2017 - 10:33 pm

I honestly wish I had the guts to end it but I dont. The thought of them finding my corpse is something I cant put them through. Running away is my only option and that seems worse for me. At least if I was dead I wouldnt know or feel anything but running just means more guilt and shame.

muspelhem 7/27/2017 - 5:28 pm

Guilt is nothing but an emotion to steer you in the direction of doing what is right (presumably so you’ll maintain social bonds).

Even if you get evicted, you still have options. You can find the best possible place to sleep, even if that ends up being under a bridge. You can find the best possible sustencance, even if that entails stealing food. Those stray cats, can’t you just set them loose? Otherwise, comfort yourself with the fact that you did the best you could for them, when no one else did. Kudos.

I wish the best for you. Take care. I doubt your dire situation will last forever.

StrangerDanger 7/28/2017 - 10:27 pm

Thank you. Everything you described is what I’ve been wanting to do. Im not really bothered by the thought of being a homeless drifter I think thats what I want tbh. I have enough money for a tent or a sleeping bag and aint put off by dumpster diving behind grocery stores.

I just feel like Im abandoning my family even though we all know I cant do shit to help them. Me.leaving would be for the best but they are over dramatic whenever I pull it up.

Username123 7/27/2017 - 6:23 pm

I was almost hit by lightning once like 30 feet away.

StrangerDanger 7/28/2017 - 10:26 pm

Thank you. Everything you described is what I’ve been wanting to do. Im not really bothered by the thought of being a homeless drifter I think thats what I want tbh. I have enough money for a tent or a sleeping bag and aint put off by dumpster diving behind grocery stores.

I just feel like Im abandoning my family even though we all know I cant do shit to help them. Me.leaving would be for the best but they are over dramatic whenever I pull it up.

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