Empty

Ever since my suicide attempt I have felt so demotivated about life. I live solely so that I don’t break my mother’s heart again because she would like me to choose life. But I’m so miserable being alive I sometimes find it selfish that she wants me alive despite the fact it is  not my will. I feel like I’m in constant emotional pain and turmoil. I know life isn’t suppose to be always roses but I doubt it is suppose to feel like a horror of knives either. I’m not feeling motivated to work so I’m starting to do badly in school but I feel like I’m too depressed to start work its also depressing to see myself do badly. I just feel so cheated and angry. I took the necessary precautions so that I wouldn’t have to endure my sufferings but I’m still persevering through pain. What kind of sick joke is it to be given life to torture my soul?