I Need a New Body – Mine’s a Worthless Lemon

I wish that I could be reborn in a new body. Cosmetically speaking, I have got to be one of the biggest freaks ever to exist. My body is a lemon. I have hideous body acne almost everywhere – including sometimes on my forearms. I’ve lost some hair. I have hideous teeth (possibly malocclusion). I am 28 years old but look like a puny 14-year-old. I’m also only 5’3.”

Before I continue, I must state that I know that these problems, individually, are not necessarily freakish (aside from forearm acne).

Yes, some people have bad body acne, and I’ve even found some rare examples online of people that do have forearm acne.

Yes, some people lose their hair.

Yes, some people have bad teeth.

Yes, some people look unusually young for their age.

Yes, some people are short, and I honestly stopped caring about being short long ago.

BUT…who has ALL of these deficiencies COMBINED!?

Think about each deficiency individually – and then combine them all – and imagine how such a person would look. Think of all those deficiencies combined. A balding guy with a puny body with acne on the head, face, neck, back, shoulders, chest, and forearms – and with horrible teeth. That’s how I look – or how I’ve feared I’d look – particularly if my hair loss and acne get worse. I even still have the voice of a wimpy 14-year-old kid. It’s like I’m stuck in puberty – only worse because it’s been a more ruthless, aggressive, and freakish form of puberty (acne spreading to forearms) – AND with middle-age problems at the same time (hair loss). It’s like George Costanza said: “I completely skipped healthy adulthood.” But at least George Costanza didn’t look like a punk kid – nor did he have hideous body acne.

Seriously, think about a balding, puny guy with forearm acne. Who would want to be friends with a freak like me? Who would hire a freak like me? Since last year in particular, I’ve considered myself very lucky in that I’ve had great friends – and that I was finally offered some job interviews. But that was THEN. That was just before I started losing my hair. That was before I started getting acne more often on my forearms, hands, and fingers. I looked like a freak before, but at least since I had hair and clean arms, I was at least somewhat acceptible in society. But if my hair loss and acne get significantly worse, who the hell would befriend or hire a balding, puny guy with forearm acne?

As I’ve said before, YES, INDIVIDUALLY, these problems aren’t that big of a deal. BUT I have ALL of them COMBINED, and I know of few or no other people like that.

Yes, there are people with severe cystic body acne, but are they also losing hair? If so, if THAT wasn’t bad enough, do they ALSO look 14? On top of that, do they ALSO have bad teeth – AND are freakishly short? Is there anyone that has ALL of these problems COMBINED? I don’t think so – or at least it’s extremely rare. I am a FREAK.

If it hasn’t been made clear already, the biggest problems for me are my severe body acne, my abnormally youthful appearance, and my hair loss.

I started getting severe cystic acne on my back and face almost exactly 14 years ago. I eventually was put on doxycycline and Accutane – both of which worked until I stopped taking them, and I can’t get back on them since I have no health insurance.

Regardless, one would think that, since I’m well past my teen years – well into my 20s – and almost into my 30s, my acne would have gotten better, right? Wrong. Not only has it not improved (except for my forehead), it’s actually been SPREADING. Yes, my acne is SPREADING at 28 years of age. My body acne, overall, has probably never been worse.

Two years ago, I started getting more severe acne on my chest, and last year, I started getting small but rare pimples on my arms. But earlier this year, my acne got worse. The pimples on my forearms became bigger and more frequent. Not only have I gotten them on my forearms, but I’ve also gotten them on my hands and fingers – albeit less often. But I’ve seen what my acne has done. It very well could get worse. I could end up with severe cystic acne on my forearms, hands, and fingers. Seriously, who’s ever heard of that? Am I really that big of a freak – not only to still get severe body acne at 28 – but to get it in unbelievably rare places?

I’ve seen posts online by people with acne on their forearms and hands, but they’ve often been greeted by naysayers – saying things like, “Are you sure it’s acne?” and “It’s probably keratosis pilaris.” But I really think that I have actual acne on my forearms and hands. I’ve never had any issues with the skin on my forearms and hands before. Also, the pimples aren’t itchy like keratosis pilaris bumps. They honestly seem just like normal acne pimples. Also, the pimples started appearing at the same time that they appeared elsewhere on my body (upper arms, chest, and stomach).

Sometimes, I’ve feared that getting acne on my forearms, hands, and fingers would cause so many social problems for me that I would have to put makeup on my arms, hands, and fingers. Seriously, who the hell has to put makeup on their ARMS!? On top of that, unless I got waterproof makeup, it would wash off anytime I washed my hands – meaning that trying to hide any hand acne would be futile. I’m such a freak.

Similarly, a huge problem for me is that I’m 28 years old but look like I’m 14. I’m not kidding at all. Now, many might say that looking young for one’s age is good, and I agree. The question is – HOW young? I wouldn’t mind looking 20-21 – but not like a puny kid!

I suddenly stopped growing taller when I was 14, and since then, I’ve been 5’3,” and my face and body haven’t widened or matured any since then – aside from getting some facial hair. Almost a decade and a half later, I still look like a puny, dweeby kid at 28. And on top of that, I have hideous acne all over my body – including my forearms and hands. Lovely.

As if THOSE two things weren’t bad enough, to top it all off, since late last year, I’ve lost some hair – though thankfully I haven’t gone totally bald. Most would say, “Big deal. Lots of guys lose hair.” But it IS a big deal due to the context. I ALREADY have hideous body acne in weird places. I ALREADY look like a 14-year-old. So how terrible would it look to be bald on top of that!?

I was freakish enough without hair loss, but at least my full head of hair compensated for everything else. Not anymore. Now, I have yet another deficiency, which for me is ten times worse than on most others since I already have a ridiculously puny, gross body.

Nowadays, many people recommend that those with hair loss shave their heads – and that there are many good-looking, bald celebrities – like Patrick Stewart, Vin Diesel, and Dwayne Johnson. And sure, they look fine bald, but that look doesn’t suit everyone – especially if one has a puny-looking body. Plus, if I shaved my head, then that would expose the cystic acne on the back of my scalp. See that? I can’t do what most NORMAL guys with hair loss do! That shows what a freak I am. As the saying goes, “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

So there you have it. I’m 28 but look like I’m 14, I have hideous acne everywhere, I’ve lost some hair, I have horrible teeth, and I’m only 5’3″. What a catch, right? Seriously, my body is such a piece of shit.

There comes a point when something is so badly screwed up that it’s better to just get rid of it and start over. That’s what I’d love to do with my body. I wish that I could kill myself – and then transfer my consciousness into another body. A new body. A better body. A REAL body – not this piece-of-shit lemon of a body that I was cursed with. One that would actually be strong enough to resist hair loss and acne. One that wouldn’t be pathetic enough to look like a 14-year-old kid. But unfortunately, transferring my consciousness into another, better body probably will not be possible in my lifetime. It really sucks.

In closing, I realize that many have problems worse than mine, but I’ve still felt very frustrated with my body since it’s had the potential to cause social problems. I wish that I could just kill myself and get a new, better body, but I honestly don’t want to kill myself, either, and I hope that my problems will get better.