If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, run. Don’t walk, don’t stop and look behind you. Identify a safe haven for yourself and run.
You will not change them. They do not want to be changed, regardless of what they say. They will continue to try and manipulate you to stay. Run.
If you have kids, it will be harder. Much harder. But you kids will learn that it’s OK to do this to another person. They will learn fear. Run.
It will continue to get worse until you can’t leave, are emotionally or physically broken. Or dead.
Run.
Google ‘abusive relationship hotlines’ for help
4 comments
You’ve outlined the ideal course of action, but I can understand those who can’t take that step. It’s a lot like suicide actually, you could replace “abusive relationship” with “suicidal state” above, and immediately you’ll see it’s harder than you think to get help. First you have to trust the people helping you (hotlines, therapists, law enforcement and other professionals). Even if you can swallow that, you have to run the gauntlet of shame for making your condition public. Telling your family you’re in an abusive relationship is as hard as telling them you’re suicidal. And I’m sure the reactions can be just as persecuting. I’ve never been in an abusive relationship myself, but I’ve known people who have. After they explained to me how hard it is to get help, I realized that’s the same situation I’m in with regard to suicide. Fucked.
Great point. I totally see that. I apologize if I made it sound **easy**. That wasn’t the intention at all. Too damn bad there is so much judgement in this world, making an already difficult situation worse.
No need to apologize, this is a good post that is making me think. Why is the answer so obvious from one perspective but impossible when you’re trapped in it? Reality is somewhere between the two. Seeking help isn’t easy, but it shouldn’t be as impossible as we make it out to be, either. I’m one of those people who switches off the minute someone suggests going to a therapist. I guess sort of like an abuse victim who is sick of hearing “go to a women’s shelter.” Maybe this self defeating attitude is the reason behind everyone who feels trapped and hopeless.
Therapy. Is no guarantee. You have to click with the therapist. Then you’re the person who has to make changes. If you change your mind, a therapist might actually help; you seem like a flexible, thoughtful analytical person.
I think taking action when you’re in the middle of any situation is difficult. I think it’s 10 times harder when you’re physically and emotionally numb. My goal was to reach people BEFORE they got to that state. I’ve heard many stories where there’s a point they are just realizing their partner isn’t quite who they thought. Excuses are made, like “he’s just having a bad day” or “I can change this”. No you can’t. It only gets worse.