I lay here and pray for death. i can’t abandon pets but am very ready to go. have thought about boarding pets then coming home and doing it.
I want death so badly and am so ready. There is no reason for me to be here. No friends, no family that really is in my life. They are all on the levels of acquaintances so I wouldn’t be grieved and my death would just be a minor nuisance for someone to call salvation army and haul shit out of apt. No friends, no family just years of battling insmonia/dysthymia/depression. My prayers are to die. I hope I have high blood pressure or something really wrong with me that i will just leave. There is no reason for me to exist. I serve no purpose. no creativity I need to leave now. so my prayers are to please if there is a god or whoever, let me end suffering and leave now and take care of pets.
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I hear you. Depression wears you out. Having the responsibility of pets adds more pressure to your situation. Like you, I’ve wished for a serious illness to kill me quickly.
The daily struggle of life can be relentless. Is there anyone you can reach out to that may be able to listen to you and offer some practical help? It’s difficult coping alone.
You have people here that will listen. Take care.
Please try put your pets into care before you decide to leave, even give them to your neighbour to “look after for an afternoon”. I’m in the same position as you, minus the pets. Every time I have chest pains or something I just wish that something terrible will happen to me. What a fucked up way to live, hey?
You said it. I keep hoping that I’ve inherited the bad heart gene in my family but apparently there’s nothing wrong with my heart.