But then the same people that say that fuck you over once your vulnerable and out of your comfort zone. People are so judgemental. I don’t even know why I am going outside now, trying to be proactive, trying to meet people, when the very reason that I stopped doing that/ never really started is that they are (almost) all full of shit, treat me like scum for being different and judge me for having problems that I am struggling to deal with.
They say I should try to be myself more, but why? Now that I am, people start shitting on me again. It was easier when I kept to myself, did not let anyone close to me, did not open up to anyone, kept myself protected from that kind of harm. The ironic part is that people respect me when I am like that, when they don’t know what goes on in my head. What a messed up world.
Why do I even listen to their advice. They don’t leave their comfort zone, they don’t let themselves be vulnerable. But I should? Right.
2 comments
I’m really glad you posted this, because I am having similar thoughts. I want to be braver, but I am so scared and exhausted. At the same time my life is so depressing, and I feel like time is slipping through my fingers. Along with opportunities.
I think you’re on the right path. I think the best reason to be courageous is that if you leave your comfort zone, eventually you will expand it, feeling comfortable in more situations. And that will grant you more freedom in life.
It’s a bit like playing roulette. You take a risk in the hope of improving your lot. Of course, it’s different in that you will likely get better at whatever it is you are stepping out of your comfort zone and trying over time.
Maybe it would help to grade it very gently? Like if you were doing strength training, you would gradually up the load?
Anyway, kudos for doing it, and good luck!
Time and opportunities slipping through my fingers feels the same way to me… I wish I had started going out more four or five years ago, instead of waiting at home all day long for something to happen. I don’t know how, but for some reason something clicked, and it feels kind of easy to get myself to go outside and do something now, even if it’s just going to a park and reading a book. That used to be a huge struggle for me. I hope I won’t go back to being lazy like that.
Getting to know people is still the same though. I’m not even sure how to take it slow, because there’s not really any middle-ground between talking to/ meeting someone and not talking to/ not meeting someone. And I have such an issue with rejection, it feels like the end of the world every time it happens with someone that I have gotten to know a little better. The thing is, if I try to befriend someone, I have to be interested in them and have to have the wish that they like me or else the befriending won’t work at all. I make myself vulnerable to rejection by having that interest and wish, but I also can’t really wait with that interest and wish until I know for sure they wouldn’t reject me.
I wish I’d care less about what other people think of me, but it’s the complete opposite. I am such a different person in those moments when I am scared of rejection, I almost don’t recognize myself. I probably wouldn’t even want to get to know myself if I saw myself like that; though then again, I try to make abundantly clear with anyone I get to know that they can be themselves and don’t have to be worried about being rejected by me. I wish others would do that too, but how can I blame them for not doing it, they don’t even know what it’s like.
Good luck with your struggle as well, and thanks for the comment!