For many of us, we are unable to connect with others, which makes us unable to make and maintain close friendships/relationships, which then causes disconnect, loneliness and depression.
Some of us have many issues, but I feel like a lot of us are just disconnected from everyone. We feel outcasted, alone, different. Which then leads to all the other aspects of depression: isolation, self-harm, hatred, etc.
If you were able to connect with others, would you still be depressed? Or will most of it go away?
I think for me, a large part of it would be better. I would at least go out more, do things, not hide away inside. I would have someone to talk to, have meaningful friendships/relationships. I wouldn’t be so alone. I wouldn’t have crying spells. I would belong. I would have people who care about me.
Gosh, I’ve never belonged anywhere my entire life. Always the lonely outcast…
14 comments
I understand, I am having the sameproblem.
it might be hard to connect with others, but you should try by doing something you like that involves other people. Like participating in plays or sports. Even if you don’t connect with anybody, it can’t hurt to strengthen yourself in a certain activity.
P.S. I’m sorry if what Ive said isn’t useful to you
thank you, it’s a good idea and might be useful for others, unfortunately not for me because I don’t have anything I like.
If I had a few friends, and the ability to connect with others, I’d probably be a lot less depressed. I mean, I’d still be depressed, but it would be so much easier to cope with. If only, if only…
exactly
I have a few friends, but they are always busy, or a continent away, and I don’t want to bother them with my problems. Make some new friends? I can’t, make the ones I have took me many many years, and I’m not the same guy of that time, my selfsteem is now more broken.
People usually get on my nerves because they are a reminder of everything I lack. If you try to connect with any normal person, you automatically notice that they are busy with work, hobbies, family and friends. It makes me feel inferior because I’m lucky if I can get out of the damn bed, shower and do chores.
I have a best friend who I text and call on the phone. Let him on twitter years ago and he’s been there for me through everything. On the rare occasion I actually want to talk a lot, he may not respond which annoys me! I realize he has his own issues and depression.
I have a boyfriend, but I won’t be able to see him again until Thanksgiving or early December due to unfortunate circumstances, but we write letters and talk on the phone often so that’s something at least.
People are annoying though, generally.
*Met him on Twiitter, I mean.
Maybe the problem isn’t “inability to connect” as much as “unwillingness to connect”. I’m sure I could put on a fake smile, walk out the door, say something contrived to someone at work and have a connection on some level. But the whole exercise seems so pointless. Even if the other person has something in common with me, I don’t really like talking about personal things. When your life sucks, it’s embarrassing to talk about personal things. So I guess I choose no connection. And the hell that comes with it.
^ Exactly. Talking to people causes more depression at times. The worst question is “How are you?” when you feel like complete shit and haven’t done anything worth talking about. Then you feel the need to lie and say “I’m fine” or try to make up something so that the other person doesn’t know you have absolutely nothing going on.
It’s easier to keep to myself mostly even though it can be painful.
Right, whenever I open up to someone I instantly feel like crap. Doesn’t matter how they respond, I just feel really depressed because I’m reminded of how empty/insignificant my life is. So faking it (“I’m fine”) is like a self defense mechanism that keeps everyone distant.
You mentioned you have a boyfriend. Does he know the real you, depression & suicide & all? Or do you try to hide it? In my past relationships that has always been a tough issue. I guess that’s why they’re “past relationships”.
Yes, my boyfriend does know I suffer from depression and anxiety. He’s very understanding, but I still force myself to hold my feelings back. I can’t tell him every single time I am miserable or how much I want to disappear. I don’t want to drag him down with me.
I was more open with an ex about my suicidal feelings and it made him feel like I didn’t love him and it always caused a guilt-trip. It’s best to keep certain things to yourself or come here to vent.
I can see how that would happen with your ex. When you open the floodgates on depression, there are 2 typical reactions: one is that the other person will feel obligated to save you (leading to problems when they realize they can’t), and the other is like you said, they blame you for not loving them enough to magically recover on your own. Lol you’re smart to hold back as much as possible.
Friends are really great, but never trust them to be there 100% of the time. If you ask them to be your emotional support, chances are they’ll leave you.