Believe it or not, I do want to die.
Its not that I just got upset over something and am having a drama episode. The thoughts have gotten stronger over the last decade. I am unemployed, financially ruined and at my age, its not worth the effort.
However, I am having a hard time killing myself. Its like my body is working against my mind. I live in NYC and although I thought about it a hundred times, I cant bring myself to jump off a building or bridge. Its almost like I have too much respect for my body to mutilate it more than necessary. I know. I know. That sounded silly. I can hear it myself. I know. Im a *****.
The method I have chosen is suspension hanging. I have 6.5′ length cord that I intend on tying to my door handle of my backyard door, flinging the rope over the top of the door and putting it around my neck. I am hoping that I could make myself pass out until I drop.
My question is this – Remember when we were kids and we’d play that stupid pass out for a few seconds game, by blocking your neck vein? When I am in that state, will I just hang until I am dead without knowing what happened? If not, would popping a few Xanax help with the bodies struggle?
I am scared that I will just cause brain damage. Is there a crafty way to notify police so that my wife doesnt find me?
Please help.
4 comments
Oh wowowow you sound exactly like me about 6 months ago!! I did not think I would still be alive today and I had all the same deductions.. but I just never felt like the timing was right and I thought.. this isn’t my job I shouldn’t have to do this. Anyways I read the bible and I forced myself to believe that stuff and I was in so much pain and fear and alone but I refused to give up on God and I did all this research and OH MY GOD He did not fail me!! God took all my demons away and I’m so glad I persevered in prayer and I took on my own hell and it took so much courage but it’s my biggest accomplishment that I am here and I know God fortified my mind and he transformed and strengthened my character and there is nothing you can’t overcome if you dare to stand on your faith!!! It’s the one thing you are born with and the one thing you HAVE to die with!! You are seriously in my prayers!!!! God bless. Jesus loves you more than your mind could even comprehend.
I am not religious and never will be. Please do not compare youre life with mine. You do NOT know my situation. I came to this site because I felt I could talk to likeminded people who felt the same way. Not throw generic sentiments that mean nothing at me.
This really helped me:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_aVFVveJNs
Send a delayed email via Boomerang app? Test it first. Suspension hanging seems to be hit and miss. Think about that. You may end up being found prior to achieving your goal.