Wake up to that annoying 80s station that you can hardly stand at four in the morning, but you know will be loud enough to wake you up after getting only two hours of sleep (assuming that you got to sleep last night).
Put on some coffee that you dont even like the taste of without a shit load of sugar, though you are too ashamed that someone will say something about you if you take any more goddamned sugar in that damned coffee.
Go to school so you can learn about something you either don’t care about or don’t want to care about, but have to if you want to get a job on this earth that you were forced into without consent.
Then, you ride home on the bus, hoping that you’ll be exhausted enough to fall asleep, and, assuming you reach the safe haven of sleep, the kids surrounding you on the bus won’t stick bugs in your mouth or hair like that one asshole who sat behind you in fourth through sixth grade before his house got condemned and he had to switch buses.
Walk down your driveway underneath the tree you used to think looked cool before you discovered nihilism and diminished any meaning that “cool tree” had.
Work on homework that will get thrown away as soon as it’s graded and handed back to you so you can “be prepared” for a test that will soon go through the same process.
Make supper so you can be criticized for not making something better, for not making it fast enough, and goddamn it! why aren’t the dishes done!
Eat two bites of the small amount food on your plate and throw away the rest because you’re not doing enough to constitute you needing food. Bonus points if you vomit, either accidentally or in purpose!
Take a shower and quietly hum tunes hardly softer than the noise of the water and vents because god forbid someone hear you and tell you not to do the one thing that brings you joy in the day.
Go to bed, ashamed and guilty of all the things you’ve done that day, like lied to the people closest to you and wasted food. Find yourself unable to sleep until two in the morning, leaving you to be devoured by your darkest thoughts until then.
That’s it, folks! All you have to do is follow these simple steps and, bam! you’ll turn into a miserable person just like me!
5 comments
Or just get a prescription for Despondex. Google it!
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But that’s not all folks! Act now and we will send you a free trial size bottle of corn syrup and a loaf of white bread! And remember folks: always avoid exercise whenever possible!
Amen, kid. Amen…
Agreed.