Yesterday was the day I was supposed to off myself. But schedule got moved. Today is the day, I’m just waiting for a package. Might get some food, watch a movie, I have no clue.
Anyways. I guess I’m only on here, because I am bored and anxious. Hoping that nothing goes wrong. I shaved all my hair, made my holographic will, and yeah, this is my last month for rent anyways.
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How’d you make a holographic will? Also, hi there.
Holographic wills are basically handwritten.
i wondering how are you going to do it
Gunshot, but I’m going to cuff my legs and a hand so it is harder to get to me. I think I need to get some wood too. To make it harder to get into my car. I debating on my car or a railing on a porch.
Holographic wills are basically handwritten
What was the reason you postpone it another day?
That smile looks like you must have some good times. I know it’s just a picture but you look like you would make a good friend. I’m so sorry you are in so much pain. I read the previous post and it’s similar enough to one I just wrote so I truly feel for you.
Have you looked up self inflicted gunshot survivors? It happens. And if you cuff yourself and make it hard to get to you, and didn’t do it right…
I hope you don’t go through with it, but if you do, I wish you peace.
Yeah I’ve looked at success rates for weeks, only way to find out is to try. Making it harder to get to me, means I’ll bleed out and there won’t be enough time to save me. That’s why I’m going to do that.
I was not nor am I a good person nor friend unfortunately, I tried really hard to convince myself that, but it is just not the case. Thanks for your words though. You can message me before I bounce if you want.
How would I message you? Is there ANYthing you’ve always wanted to try and haven’t got to yet? Like see a specific event or visit a specific place? Just for yourself – not in conjunction with others. Any foods you want to try or try again maybe just one more time? At least see how the Justice League movie turns out – it’s not too far away. Screw everyone else – it’s ok to live a bit selfishly for a while.
I’ve thought about all that, right in this moment I can say there are a million things I wanted to do. But honestly, once you leave, you won’t be thinking about all that. So I think it’s justifiable. I don’t want an extension.
I think maybe all I want is a hug. But for no specific reason.
My email is bevinsworld@gmail.com
I tried to send a virtual hug. Hope it went through. I agree that we won’t be thinking about those things after – that’s why we need to try them now. Have you ever had an In n Out burger? Jims Philly cheesesteak? Read all Crichtons books (he’s my fav at least)? There is time for those things without giving up your plan. Just push it back a bit. It’s not like it ever expires as an option.
I don’t need all those things. I just want my mind back. That’s all I ever wanted, but it’s a whole lot of shit to dig through and yeah. I am weak. I know it sounds like a coward move, but I sit and watch everyone living such beautiful carefree lives while I am sitting in misery. All because I tried to tweak my life a bit.
I mean I shaved my head and gave my hair to a friend, wrote my will and already have my necklace urn being sent to him. We all live until we die, and we will always have to witness it anyways. I’m literally a walking zombie.
We aren’t all living beautiful, carefree lives. That’s why we are here. Maybe it’s worth a shot making friends with people like us who get it, aren’t scared to listen to the darkness and won’t ever make you feel like you are worse off than us. You might help us too. I would love to. Ive seen many other people here offer the same. It’s quite amazing the compassion you can find in suffering people.
I gotta try…
Thanks for the hug champ
Please don’t kill yourself. IDGAF if this is superficial, but you are beautiful, radiant. Skimmed your last post – you are also smart.
Other people suggesting you should kill yourself – that is just messed-up. Your father making you feel disgusted with yourself – that is unforgivable. If you have kids, you treat them well. You nurture them like a plant, you don’t cut them down. Unforgivable.
Please stay.
I don’t have children fortunately, and my dog was stolen from me a day ago. So yeah, I think things worked out itself honestly. I’ve caused more harm than good, and I am a bit tired of worrying the people around me all the time. I think if I do become successful, they all have made their peace already. Nobody wants to hear about someone whining all the time. Shit I don’t even like it.
I should probably clarify that the children thing was in relation to your father’s treatment of you. I’m sorry your dog was stolen. That sucks 🙁
You say you’ve caused more harm than good, but that is your judgement, right? Might others disagree? I understand that you don’t want to burden others – that is typical for people who are suicidal. But it’s not your fault you feel bad. It’s not your fault you’re struggling. You need help and support, not blame.
You say people would be okay with it if you died. Either you don’t realise how much they love you, or you are shortchanging yourself with the people you hang out with.
I understand you’re sick of feeling this way. From my perspective, it feels like such a waste. As I said: You’re gorgeous and evidently smart. All people have weaknesses, some people are just fortunate enough that they receive credit and support for their strengths and learn to accept and deal with their weaknesses. Not all of us are as lucky, but it’s not our fault.
Anyway, I am rooting for you, hoping you can make it out on the other side and be happy.
Bev, I just want you to know that you are beautiful and I wish you would give yourself more credit than you do.
You are just a person, we all need a little forgiveness from time to time. Sometimes we have to be patient with ourselves because no one else will do it, but jus remember you are a person, and none of us are perfect.
Hi Bev, I do not know too much about you but I don’t think you should do what you say you will. I read your last post and you are 24. You have a lot of time to fix whatever problems you think you have, no matter how bad they are. I am only 21 myself but I feel a lot of what you do. I’m sorry you are in so much pain but it’s not over yet. Is there anyway I can contact you? I just wanna try to help.
Hey, I have to push it back another day I guess. My plans didn’t go the way I wanted them to.
I sent you email as well. Mine is caulkjair@yahoo
@ByeBev I sent you an email if you would like to chat
Wow you actually have a good plan and you seem very intelligent, so I have no doubt that you’ll succeed if you put your mind to it. I find that very sad. All I can say is can you please stick around until you find what happened to your dog? What if he/she suddenly turns up and you’re dead. Or let’s focus on the positive, imagine getting your dog back and napping on the couch with the little fur ball, won’t that make it worthwhile to wait a few days before popping yourself?
PS You’re very pretty, but I guess that doesn’t mean much to you right now.
My ex took her from me. I’ve harassed him for a bit because of major weird withdrawals. But at-least let the cops deal with it. I didn’t steal any of his stuff that he didn’t get back, if I even did it.
He said I’ll never see her again. But I will take him down with me if that is the case. I was just going to die alone, but fuck. Now it has to be a fucking mess. Jeez
I found the lime sulfur. I’m out ya’ll!