My father was holding me back in life and I hadn’t realized this until now that i moved out. I feel happier these days, happier than I’ve ever felt in a while. My insecurities are quickly vanishing within a matter of weeks. I had forgotten how social the real me was. Surprisingly I’m quite impressive with the ladies. I can sleep better too.
My fathers’ anger has empowered me to take a leap of faith into unknown territory but to my surprise I’m doing just fine living in an apartment by myself….more than fine…I feel awesome!! I will sacrifice a mansion for a healthy mind any day. I don’t want his money, i just want to be me again. And i want him to heal for his own good. However i will say I’m surprised how much i miss him despite all the physical and emotional abuse I’ve experienced from him and despite how much he’s abused my brothers and my mom in the past. Its unconditional love i suppose. I still believe there’s more good in him than evil. My mom could never forgive him. She’s even told me that he will burn in hell once he’s gone. I understand where that hate comes from but i can sense a conflict in him. He’s shown signs of his better self before and the abuse is starting to happen less in that household. He is just lost, and super stressed. I wont give up on him, that’s why I’ve given myself space from him. I don’t know why he’s so angry all the time but I wanna help him. One less mouth to feed should ease his stress some. I wish my father could open up to me about his trauma. I’m sure its something in his past that’s clouding his mind with anger.
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This is partially relatable. Also it’s called Stockholm Syndrome, but I guess that is love in its own way. I’m glad you’re able to be there better person. TRUST ME it kills him in the inside. Pay no mind to his gaslighting, if anything pull out your phone and research ANYTHING he tries to make you feel bad about. I’m in the same boat. Carlospejuan@aol.com hmu
That’s good to hear. I’m in the same boat. My father is an asshole who takes great joy in making my life miserable. He was always holding me back, took the brunt of his anger, was made into his personal punchig bag and was very abusive both mrbtally and physically. It’s actually a miracle I didn’t kill myself yet. It took me years of abuse, losing my job and beuling backstabbed by friends that I finally caved in and became depressed. Oh,trust me. How I wished I wanted everyone around me dead and be killed by my two own hands. What’s just holding me back is my gf and still having some sort of hope that I will be able to pull through. I want to be independent and live on my own but unfortunately, no one wants to hire a depressed person and living on one’s own here is a death sentence. Hopefully, I will be able immigrare next year to another country and be able to make a living there. If not, then I guess I will put my plan of suicide by cop into motion and taking down the bastards who destroyed me with me.
*sorry if there are typos here. I’m posting this on my phone at the moment.
Good for you. I hope things work out for you.